What a loving and dedicated family your mom has — monthly visits plus multiple calls and video chats every day is truly remarkable. It's clear how much you all care, even if her Alzheimer's is making it hard for her to hold onto that right now.
What she's experiencing is very common at Stage 5/6. As memory declines, she Show Full Answer
What a loving and dedicated family your mom has — monthly visits plus multiple calls and video chats every day is truly remarkable. It's clear how much you all care, even if her Alzheimer's is making it hard for her to hold onto that right now.
What she's experiencing is very common at Stage 5/6. As memory declines, she may lose track of where everyone lives, and the joy of the Labor Day visit may have actually made the separation feel sharper afterward.
Here are some approaches that other myALZteam members and caregivers have found helpful in similar situations:
- Don't argue or over-explain. Trying to reason through the distance often backfires and increases agitation. Instead, keep responses short and warm.
- Validate her feelings first. Something like *"I know you miss us, and we miss you so much too"* can go further than logical explanations.
- Redirect the conversation. After acknowledging her feelings, gently shift to a happy memory, a favorite topic, or something fun coming up — like your October visit.
- Remind her she is safe and loved. A myALZteam member shared that their loved one needed frequent reminders that they were safe, loved, and cared for. Simple and repeated reassurance can help.
- Lean on the assisted living staff. Share what's happening with her care team. They can provide in-person comfort and reassurance between your calls and visits, and may have strategies that work specifically for her.
- Create something tangible. Consider putting together a small photo album or framed photos of the family with short captions she can look at between calls. Visual reminders of love can be grounding. It's also worth remembering that when she says hurtful things like "you don't love me," that is the Alzheimer's talking — not her true feelings. You already know this, but it bears repeating because it's easy to forget in a painful moment.
Try not to take the bait emotionally during those calls. Staying calm and warm, even when it's hard, helps keep her regulated. If a call is going very badly, it's okay to gently wrap it up and try again later.
You're doing an incredible job from a distance. Be kind to yourself too. 💙
6 days ago
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