When someone with Alzheimer’s disease says they want to go home, it can be a challenging moment for caregivers. This request may come from individuals living in assisted living facilities, nursing homes, or memory care facilities, or from loved ones who live at home but wish to return to a childhood home or place from their past.

In this article, we’ll explore what “home” might mean for your loved one, how to navigate these challenging conversations, and how to make places feel a little more homey.

The Meaning of Home

The term “home” often represents a place of comfort, security, and familiarity, which may not necessarily be someone’s current residence. People with Alzheimer’s may express a desire to go home due to feelings of insecurity, anxiety, or confusion. Alzheimer’s disease often causes short-term memory loss first, leading individuals to seek out long-term memories of places where they felt safe and happy. This longing for “home” can be a way to reconnect with childhood or a time when they felt more secure. Sometimes, the desire to go home may be more prevalent in the afternoon or evening, which may be a result of a phenomenon known as sundowning.

Members of myALZteam have shared their experiences caring for someone who wants to go “home.” One wrote, “My husband keeps asking when we are going home. We have been here a little over 20 years. This is home.”

Another member added, “My husband has been going through this for a long time now. It started out as once a day, and I’d help him until he’d realize we were at home. He seems to think we are at a hotel or resort. But today, surprisingly, not one episode. He in fact said to me, ‘We are at home, aren’t we?’ as he was about to save something to take home. This is so baffling. I’ll see what tomorrow brings.”

Tips for Responding to ‘I Want To Go Home’

When someone with Alzheimer’s expresses a desire to go home, caregivers need to respond with empathy and understanding. This can be a painful statement to hear, especially the first time. Having a plan can help you better navigate this challenge as a caregiver. Below are four tips for responding when your loved one says, “I want to go home.”

1. Try Not To Argue About Their Current Location

It’s important not to argue or try to convince the person that they’re already home. Instead, acknowledge their feelings and understand that “home” may represent a place of comfort rather than a physical location. Before Alzheimer’s affects how people process information, if you try to explain that they are home or use other forms of logic, they may become distressed or agitated.

When having conversations with them, try to keep yourself as calm as possible and use a relaxed tone of voice. They may pick up and mimic your body language or facial expressions without even realizing it, helping them to calm down as well.

2. Remind Them That They’re Safe

Asking to go home may be another way of expressing feelings of insecurity. Let the person know that they’re safe and cared for. Try to use gentle touches, hold their hand, or give them a hug, if appropriate, to provide physical reassurance. Regardless of where they are currently located, it’s nice to be reassured that they’re being taken care of.

3. Validate Them

Validate their feelings by acknowledging their emotions and experiences. You could try making comments like, “We can head out soon,” or “We’ll leave once I finish this.” Instead of telling them that they’re already home or that they can’t go home, validation helps them calm down and can provide them with comfort.

It may also be helpful to ask them questions about their home by saying something like, “What’s your favorite thing about your home?” or “Tell me about your childhood home.”

These types of open-ended questions may allow them to share positive memories. Through these conversations, you might also get a better idea of items you could bring to them that remind them of their own home.

4. Redirect Their Attention

Sometimes, redirecting a person’s attention to a different activity or topic can help. It might be helpful to have old family photos or photos from the past for them to look at. While sharing the photos, you could make comments or reminisce with them to help ease any anxious feelings. You might want to say things like, “Tell me about your favorite family traditions.”

It could also be helpful to shift their focus to another activity, such as a hobby they enjoy, listening to music, or going for a stroll together. Shifting the conversation to a different topic may help them forget about wanting to go home.

If they’re insistent about going home, it could be a good idea to take them on a car ride outing if you’re able to. You could even take them to grab ice cream or make another stop before returning and say something like “We’ll be home shortly!”

Even if you can’t take them on a car ride, the idea of getting ready to leave their current location might provide reassurance that you’re taking their request seriously and helping them return home.

Tips for Making Places Feel More Like Home

Creating a familiar and comforting environment may help reduce the desire to “go home.” Here are some ideas on how to make a room in a memory care facility or their current home feel a little more homey but still safe.

1. Personalize the Space

Decorate the room with personal items such as family photos, favorite blankets, and cherished mementos. These items can evoke positive memories and create a sense of familiarity. If you can, try to use familiar furniture, like a small table or chair. Using recognizable furniture can make the place feel more like home rather than somewhere temporary.

2. Use Contrasting Colors

Use contrasting colors to make important objects stand out. For example, a red plate on a white placemat can help the person easily see their food. Clear containers can also make it easier to see the contents. Keep in mind that more complex designs or patterns could be distracting or even overwhelming, so try to opt for simpler colors or designs that create an inviting, but calm environment.

3. Simplify

Reduce clutter and keep the environment simple to avoid overwhelming the person. Clear away any unnecessary items and focus on the things they use most frequently. It could also be beneficial to add orienting items, like easy-to-read clocks or calendars, to help them stay oriented to the time of day. Labeling key areas with simple signs or pictures can help them navigate their environment. For example, a clear picture or label on the bathroom door may make it easier for them to find the bathroom.

4. Ensure Good Lighting

Make sure the room has good lighting to help the person see clearly and feel more secure. Natural light is especially beneficial, so try to keep the windows clear during the daytime. At night, ensure that bedrooms get dark enough to produce better sleep quality. You may want to install night lights to create safer pathways for them to navigate if they need to get up at night.

5. Create a Safe Space

Remove any tripping hazards and ensure the flooring is safe. Try to remove rugs and tuck away any cords that may be sticking out. Plain, nonshiny floors that are a different color than the walls tend to be the best to minimize confusion and falls. You may also want to install safety features like railings or grab bars that they can hold onto while walking to avoid falls.

6. Encourage Familiar Activities

Engage the person to participate in activities they enjoy and are familiar with. Senior living facilities tend to have daily activities. Adult day programs and community clubs may also offer activities. Creating a routine of daily activities with structured times can provide a sense of normalcy and belonging.

Regular visits or phone calls from family members or loved ones can foster feelings of comfort and support. One myALZteam member added, “I would have my husband call his sister. Going “home” for him is seeing his family — mother, father, sister, brother. Talking to his sister about them usually satisfies him.”

Talk With Others Who Understand

On myALZteam, the social network for people with Alzheimer’s disease and their loved ones, members come together to ask questions, give advice, and share their stories with others who understand life with the condition.

Has your loved one wanted to go “home” before? What tips do you have for making a place feel more like home? Share your experience in the comments below, or start a conversation by posting on your Activities page.