First — your feelings are completely valid. Knowing the clinical side of this and still being gutted by it doesn't make you weak, it makes you human. This is your mom. That hits different for everyone, and a myALZteam member put it well: "My relationship with my dad has become fun again instead of stressful." There is hope Show Full Answer
First — your feelings are completely valid. Knowing the clinical side of this and still being gutted by it doesn't make you weak, it makes you human. This is your mom. That hits different for everyone, and a myALZteam member put it well: "My relationship with my dad has become fun again instead of stressful." There is hope, even when it doesn't feel like it right now.
The family dynamics piece is genuinely hard, and feeling shut out of decisions about your own mother is painful. While that situation may need a legal or advocacy conversation outside of this space, know that your instincts and experience as a CNA still matter — even from the sidelines. For helping her feel more at home and less like she's "waiting to leave," here are some things that may help:
- Personalize her space with family photos, her favorite blanket, and familiar items — even a small familiar chair or table can signal "this is mine"
- Bring something connected to her dogs — a photo, or even a stuffed animal that resembles them
- Keep visits consistent — a predictable routine helps her brain feel safer
- Schedule visits earlier in the day when she's likely in better spirits, especially if sundowning is a factor in the evenings
- Use calming touch — holding her hand, speaking softly, and repeating soothing phrases can help when redirection isn't working
- Try a short outing if possible — even a drive or ice cream run, then returning, can ease the "I want to go home" feeling
The fact that she hasn't unpacked suggests she still feels like this is temporary. Making the space feel genuinely hers — not just a room — could shift that over time. On the sundowning front, a few things are worth knowing:
- Daytime light exposure is really important — inadequate light during the day is linked to worse sundowning symptoms
- Consistent daily routines help regulate her internal clock
- Limiting caffeine and alcohol can improve sleep and reduce late-day agitation
- Talk to her care team about whether any of her current medications might be contributing to the evening restlessness
It may also be worth asking — through whatever channel you have — whether a sleep or sundowning assessment has been done. You have 15 years of CNA experience. That knowledge is an asset, even now.
August 4
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