Caring for someone with Alzheimer’s disease can be unpredictable. A calm morning may be followed by a difficult afternoon. Yet even hard days can bring moments of laughter, affection, or connection.

In conversations on myALZteam, including “What’s one thing caring for a loved one with Alzheimer’s has taught you?” members have shared lessons from good days and hard ones. Here are five insights from caregivers who understand the ups and downs.

🗳️ As an Alzheimer’s caregiver, what helps you most on difficult days?

Taking things one day at a time

Finding a moment of connection with my loved one

Taking a break or getting help from others

Something else

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When every day is different, some caregivers find it helpful to focus on the present instead of worrying about what tomorrow might bring.

One myALZteam member shared, “Some days it takes patience, other days it takes strength. Take one day at a time and enjoy the good days.”

“Some days it takes patience, other days it takes strength. Take one day at a time and enjoy the good days.”

— A myALZteam member

Another described the emotional challenges of looking ahead: “Joy is harder to come by most days, but I try to live one day at a time. The thing is, if I think about the future, I feel sad, angry, melancholy, and filled with dread.”

Taking life one day at a time doesn’t mean ignoring future care decisions. It may help to set aside time for planning while adjusting daily expectations to what you and your loved one can manage.

For example, sundowning can cause increased confusion, anxiety, or restlessness in the late afternoon or evening. Understanding these changes may help you adjust your plans.

Caregivers may feel pressure to stay calm and patient, even when they’re exhausted or frustrated. But difficult feelings don’t mean you’re failing.

One myALZteam member acknowledged, “I certainly understand the bad days. They tell us we should not correct them when they are wrong or be upset by our loved ones, but through this journey, I have had very bad moments.”

Another offered this reminder: “Please don’t beat yourself up for these feelings. It’s not the retirement I expected, and I am a lot of times not so pleased or happy with my situation. But we do what we can.”

“It’s not the retirement I expected, and I am a lot of times not so pleased or happy with my situation. But we do what we can.”

— A myALZteam member

Caregiving stress can affect your emotional and physical health. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, consider asking family or friends for help, joining a support group, or speaking with a counselor. Reading self-care tips from other caregivers on how to prevent burnout may also help.

A good moment doesn’t have to mean an entire good day. Sometimes, a familiar song, a hug, or a brief conversation can become a treasured memory.

One myALZteam member reflected, “There will be, scattered here and there across the months and years, some days when your loved one is lucid and tells you something you will always remember.”

“There will be, scattered here and there across the months and years, some days when your loved one is lucid and tells you something you will always remember.”

— A myALZteam member

Another caregiver found that music and art activities helped maintain a connection: “Music that they have enjoyed previously, especially in their teens, works like magic. I would put YouTube on a big screen. My loved one remembered words of song and prayers long after all other memories faded.”

Familiar music can support self-expression and connection, even as communication becomes more difficult. Choose music your loved one enjoys, limit background noise, and keep the volume comfortable.

You don’t have to force happy moments. Simply appreciating them when they happen may bring comfort.

Staying patient can be especially difficult when a loved one’s behavior or communication changes.

One member shared, “I also am learning to ask for help and to not try to convince him of things, but sure do wish I could learn how to have more patience sometimes.”

“I also am learning to ask for help and to not try to convince him of things, but sure do wish I could learn how to have more patience sometimes.”

— A myALZteam member

The Alzheimer’s Association recommends speaking calmly and responding to the feelings behind a person’s words or behavior.

Patience doesn’t mean never feeling frustrated. When possible, taking a brief break or asking someone else to step in may help, as long as your loved one remains safe.

Alzheimer’s can change how a person communicates, understands situations, and responds to others. These changes can be painful for caregivers, especially when a loved one becomes upset or says something hurtful.

One myALZteam member who cared for both their father and husband shared, “It is like I am living it all over. I guess the one thing I have learned is to not take the responses I get from my husband personally.”

“One thing I have learned is to not take the responses I get from my husband personally.”

— A myALZteam member

Another caregiver said, “Reminding myself that it’s not his fault. That is sometimes extremely difficult to do when my own needs are not being met.”

Remembering that Alzheimer’s affects behavior may help you avoid taking difficult interactions personally. Still, your feelings and needs matter too.

If behavior changes are sudden, new, or difficult to manage, speak with your loved one’s healthcare professional. Pain, medication effects, or other medical problems may contribute. Reading strategies on ways to manage outbursts may also help.