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At What Point… What Behavior, What Shock, What Unexpected Issue, Will I Crack? Where Is The Line. When Do I Let It Sink In That He’s Gone?
He’s 86. Still able to lift and carry a 40 lb case of water. But he doesn’t know where we live, or how to call 911. I found the rubber hammer, binoculars and a box cutter in the freezer. He wears depends and takes care of himself in the shower, but sleeps sitting up in his recliner fully dressed in street clothes. I discovered I am not a care taker. I’m a great facilitator. At what point, which day, do I bring in help, or find a memory care home for him? He was a CPA. He and I turned around… read more
Answer Summary
Members responded with deep empathy to someone wrestling with the heartbreaking decision of when to move their husband with dementia into... Read more
When my safety became an issue, I had no choice. The police got involved and he had to move to a memory care center. So upsetting but the decision was made as there was no other choice.
I carry these same questions around with me daily. A director of one of the facilities I'm interviewing "for that day if it comes" told me when I asked how will I know it's time, answered "...you won't be able to personally function anymore and you'll know it's the right decision." I get your worry and concern. And as cruel as it is, our past lives and abilities have no bearing on our current situation. It's over, done and irrelevant. Dementia moves forward in its ugly way.
To Barbara not everyone is ready for this hurdle. If you are unable to do this I would seek help now . It's OK not being able to do this . My husband and I took care of his mother together and that was not a easy task . Welcome to this site it is a very helpful site .
The life of a CAREGIVER, is unique for each person. Yes, the issues are similar from one diagnosis to another. The journey is difficult beyond measure. For me, love held me together along with my faith. My husbands family were no where around to choose to help. He had been widowed more than a decade. Still I was not acceptable as his wife. There are more painful memories then good ones as he was diagnosed the first year we were married. God bless all those who sever others in this horrible disease.
@A myALZteam Member, safety should be the primary consideration - your own as much as his. I have just moved my husband to a care facility as our situation had become unsafe.
It takes courage to ask for help and to accept it. I would ask you to consider this - if you can have help, why not? It's no bad thing! Having other people take over the caregiving has improved my relationship with my husband. I'm not a natural carer (I hated it!) and now I'm not my husband's carer - I'm his wife again.
How Do You Handle Husband In Memory Care Being Kissed And Hugged By Fellow Female Resident?
I Was Wondering If There Are Others Who Have This Disease In Early Stages That Would Like To Talk .. I Am 2 Years Into My Disease
Has Anyone’s Loved One Been Put On Haldol (haloperidol) For Aggressive Behavior?
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