Despite pre pouring my mother’s meds, calling her to tell her when to take them, having a talking alarm reminder, an aid three times a week, meds would be found on the floor or taken at the wrong time. She couldn’t prepare meals. She began having difficulty using the phone, trouble operating appliances, tv, microwave, etc. She had troubling dreams and some hallucinations. Though she didn’t want to leave her home, she agreed to try assisted living. She never really adjusted well but remained there for a year until the AL said she needed memory care services.

That referral came when she started walking downstairs although she needed to use a walker and her memory issues became much worse. She fell a few times and would repeatedly take most of her clothes out of her bureau, sleep with clothing and extra depends in her bed. Though I certainly would have preferred her at home, AL was the right move for her. She was safer there until she wasn’t. And then MC did help. Her strange behaviors were reduced in the more controlled environment. There was less ‘stuff’ for her to get into and more staff to attend to her. I am there almost daily but at least now I can sleep at night. She finally seems comfortable most of the time.

There is only so much anyone can do to keep them safe and each family has their own limits.

My sister began to live in a continuing care community while still living independently. She had an apartment and was satisfied with living there with neighbors for friends. It was decided that she would be better served in Assisted Living after a fall or two and her resistance to having staff bring her meds to her rather than taking them on her own. Unfortunately in her case, COVID hit when she first entered Assisted Living and visitation was severely restricted. Moving into Memory Care was actually welcome to her because she was able to benefit from activities and meals with the other residents there. In her case, it always seemed to be a good idea for her to change levels of care while she still could comprehend the reason, whether she agreed or not. I believe she adjusted more quickly than others there who did not understand why they were in a new place with people they did not know and who could not grasp the benefit of a routine to their days. I believe the routine is helpful and the consistency of the staff puts order in their world at a time that is confusing and anxiety provoking. Don’t wait too long.

K8goodie, I couldn’t agree more. No one wants to give up their independence and we as caretakers want to keep them happy. Understanding the difference between what they want and what they need is so important. Having the strength to make that happen is difficult to come by. The earlier the better, I too believe serves most people better because it allows social connections and adjustment to routines while still capable.