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A myALZteam Member asked a question 💭
Palo Alto, CA

How did you know it was time to put your loved one in a care facility? Did you have a line in the sand? Some days I'd like to check myself in! Of course I'd like to wait as long as possible. My husband sleeps a lot, doesn't eat much any more and is losing weight. It's a battle to shower, etc... He's incontinent. Has no interest in personal hygiene. I have a caregiver who comes 3 days a week for 4 hours to take him to lunch, get a haircut, hear live music, etc, but in the past two weeks or… read more

March 12, 2023
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Answer Summary

Members shared the deeply difficult decision of when to transition a loved one with dementia to memory care, with many describing specific... Read more

Members shared the deeply difficult decision of when to transition a loved one with dementia to memory care, with many describing specific turning points including wandering, safety risks from falls or stairs, caregiver burnout, incontinence, and the loved one needing more specialized care than they could provide at home. Several members described the guilt they carried even when family supported the decision, but emphasized that prioritizing their own health and recognizing when professional care could better serve their loved one were signs it was time to let go of trying to do it all alone. A recurring theme was the emotional weight of this choice, the fear of how their loved one would be treated, and the importance of visiting regularly while also accepting that memory care facilities can provide structure, stimulation, and round-the-clock supervision that becomes impossible to sustain at home.

A myALZteam Member

I made the decision early in February to move my husband to memory care. It was hard and gut wrenching but it was the best for him. He was totally incontinent, would no longer shower and did not want to get out of bed until noon. He also had a couple falls and a UTI. I felt I could no longer give him the care he needed and deserved. When he moved in to memory care he looked around and walked over and started talking to the residents there. When we told him goodbye, he said see you later and walked off.

April 8, 2023
A myALZteam Member

My husband is not to that point yet. But I know when I can no longer provide the care he needs it will be time to place him where they can give him the care I no longer can and in doing that I would be giving him the best care. 🌹😊

March 13, 2023
A myALZteam Member

I try to go every other day. It was hard to get over the feeling that they weren’t caring for him the way I would. Had to step back and remember the reasons that led me to placing him in memory care.

May 2, 2023
A myALZteam Member

I knew when he was getting lost at home first sign He would wake up not knowing where he was. I decided with the second red flag, he’s a stubborn man. When your LO is stubborn that put a total on your health . Look at all your RED FLAGS…

April 5, 2023
A myALZteam Member

I had to make this decisions 2 months ago. It was kinda forced upon me, as he had a light stroke right before Christmas. After a week in the hospital, he was in a nursing home for 2 weeks. But they were unable to keep him in the doors. So it was either bring him back home, or find a memory care place. My family said it was up to me, but they encouraged me to not try it at home again. He is in a very nice place, with very good care, but it was the hardest thing I've ever done! So, he was in 3 places in 3 weeks, which really took a toll on his mind. We all have our own story, and we all deal with it in our own way, but we understand what all of you are dealing with. God bless you!

April 2, 2023

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