My wife and I just took it one step at a time. We talked a little about the diagnosis when it was new but did not change much. As different events would take place, I would ask her what she needed me to do to help - things like not knowing how to do each step of the laundry, not knowing where to find things, not knowing what to do next, etc, etc... the general confusion that accompanies the disease. I never approached it as correcting her or disagreeing with anything she had done - it was always, "can I help you?" and more and more, we began to talk about it. We began to change things like her access to bank accounts and other financial tools as well as simple online functions. Again, it was never a shaming process, but "would it be okay if I do that for you (or with you). It seems to be causing you a lot of frustration. I think I can help." After about 5 years of this, we decided to move and modify everything we did and in the next year, we began to tell the family. None had been aware enough to have noticed truly what was happening because I covered for her and protected her and she was an outstanding actor in front of others for 15 minutes or so.
And, as so many ahead in this thread have said, never talk about this to other people when he can hear you. It is humiliating enough just to know they aren't fully functioning and they do NOT need the added pain of hearing you talk about them as if they are somewhere else or incapable of understanding what you are saying. I even had to correct some supposedly skilled people in the LTC, years later, when they would ask me questions about her as if she were not there or couldn't understand. My belief was that she was very smart until the very end - she could not always put the thoughts or words together to respond appropriately, but she understood what was going on, maybe better than any of the rest of us.
Nothing about this is easy or finite. Your journey will be different but similar.
Peace and caring for your travels ahead. It is hard.

Sue, I'm not far ahead of you in my journey as caregiver and I am fortunate, so far, that my husband is not resistant. Even so, I did realize the need to be sensitive when bringing up subjects regarding financial, POA, Wills, etc. I found it was easier to open the conversation by just asking him if he still feels comfortable handling certain matters. If he said yes, then I pressed the point a bit by saying that I'd like to hear his plans in a particular area. It didn't take long for him to realize it was too much for him and suggested that I might want to handle it.

My opinion, based on my mom’s journey I had to just go with the flow. If she was scared I made her safe by soothing her. If she asked about forgetting I assured her that I too an forgettful as everyone else. It is different for everyone. If your loved one asks questions than give information that they can handle. As disease progresses they will forget. So you really want to distract and let them enjoy what they want to do as long as they can!! Never discuss their illness with others out loud. They will be suspicious and you want them to trust you. You are their only reality!! 😞

I agree with the advice to speak openly and with patience and compassion. You are the best barometer of the situation and there are many things to decide together and things you will begin to take care of directly.
I understand the need for knowledge about this disease. I am learning and reading and listening and this is ongoing. Knowledge of this disease, knowledge of things to do, self care, patience, prayer.... I am thankful for this team of people here on this site.
There is a class beginning in Feb from Wicking Institute you may find interesting.

I agree with @A myALZteam Member. It has to be discussed. No, it doesn't have to be forced, but there are legal, practical, and relationship reasons that you need to piece-at-a-time, discuss this. It doesn't have to be all at once or become something you both dread, but it has to be something that you both understand going forward. Even make a list (POA, family, Car, etc) that maybe is only for you, but if he can deal with it, too, include him in making the list and resolving the issues. Only you can tell if he is willing or able to participate - I cannot. You can decide or define how private he wants this to be - we kept our "secret" to ourselves for about 8 years until it had to be discussed with other family members in order for them to understand what was going on. Probably the last two of those private years may have been unnecessary as others could tell something was happening but she was still not comfortable making it public knowledge.
However, in ALL of the time (over a decade) the two of us never pretended it didn't exist and never denied the existence of the need to face and address what was happening. During early years, because of our openness, she could still tell me what she needed and how I could best help. As time went on, I was suggesting things and tasks that I should take over to help her and finally to simply do. At one time, she liked for me to post big notes around in various places (like a reminder in the bathroom of her morning sequence of events) and a big calendar on the refrigerator to remind even the simplest of events and certainly marking off the days to keep up with the day of the week, etc.
PATIENCE (as @A myALZteam Member said) will be your greatest challenge and yet will be the greatest tool in your bag to help you both deal with all that is ahead.
Learn to take a deep breath and say, "OK," to almost anything.
Protect yourself. Be careful that you are not abused. The calmest of people can become aggressive and have violent episodes when you least expect it.... well, you will learn to expect it, probably.... but the earliest of events will seem to come out of the blue and surprise you.
Peace be with you. It is a long, long journey. I am done and I have nothing to offer but my experience and, hopefully, some comfort that it is survivable. Sometimes you will not believe that but it is if you take care of yourself, FIRST.

Mentioned Users

A myALZte...