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Dealing With Questions About People Who Have Died

Dealing With Questions About People Who Have Died

Every evening my husband ask about his Mom, Dad, Sister and it is like he hears that they are dead for the first time. Then he goes into a what a call a "zone" where he doesn't hear me~~wants the keys to go see them, tells me they are not dead, and doesn't know who I am. Gets really aggitated with me--not physical, but very emotional. Thinking of telling them they live in another state--hard for me to lie.

A myALZteam Member said:

thank you~~I have noticed that "one day at a time" seems to be all of our mantras!

posted about 2 months ago
A myALZteam Member said:

buy some picture postcards and send your mom one during the mail from time to time make sure they have pictures of Italy on them if at all possible

posted about 1 month ago
A myALZteam Member said:

My mother was devastated when her Mom passed away suddenly in 1964. When she would ask for her Mom and Dad, I told her they retired and are visiting family and friends in Italy. She would reply,”... not even a postcard?” My grandfather always sent postcards and great, long letters when he visited Italy.

posted about 2 months ago
A myALZteam Member said:

@A myALZteam Member you’re really good at this. I, for one, really appreciate your contributions..... very thoughtful.
Thank you.

posted about 2 months ago
A myALZteam Member said:

I’m going to agree that the therapeutic lie and distraction will benefit you both - I understand your hesitancy to lie but I am going to suggest 2 things: 1) the lie/ story that you tell is not something you are going to have to defend, but is a way of dipping your toe into the reality that your husband is living in, and wouldn’t it be nice if we all had our loved ones nearby and didn’t have to remember the sad things that have happened to us and them! And 2) if you really feel like you can’t lie, come up with phrases you can say - something like “I wish your Mom was here, too! Do you know what I really like about your Mom? Her pot roast!” Obviously you can change the details, but just keep the subject on the good things - your husband is probably just wanting to think about the family he loves! Sending hugs and support!❤️

posted about 2 months ago
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