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A myALZteam Member asked a question 💭
Long Island, NY

My dad is in the early stages of Alzheimer’s and has been told by two different neurologists that he should stop driving but he is refusing to listen. He says he has no problems with driving. My brother and I are coming home to help my mom talk to him and take the car away for safety. I’m looking for advice on how to best have the conversation and any specific things you my have said that you found helpful. Thank you.

October 5, 2019 (edited)
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Answer Summary

Members shared deeply personal experiences helping loved ones with Alzheimer's stop driving, with many finding that having doctors deliver the... Read more

Members shared deeply personal experiences helping loved ones with Alzheimer's stop driving, with many finding that having doctors deliver the message directly or notify the DMV for mandatory retesting helped deflect anger away from family members. Several members described practical strategies that worked for them, including hiding keys and allowing the person to believe they simply misplaced them, removing car parts or the vehicle itself from sight to reduce reminders, and reframing the conversation around the risk of harming others rather than their own abilities. A recurring theme was the emotional toll of taking away independence, the guilt and sadness families feel watching their loved ones grieve this loss, and the importance of stepping in firmly but compassionately to protect both the person with dementia and the community.

A myALZteam Member

I am the Guardian of a dear friend with Alzheimers and early on in her disease, she was approved for a 10 year drivers license (at age 82)! I was sure she would fail but they passed her without a driving or written test. She gave up willingly because she was so disoriented and afraid. However, my father who passed at age 90 with a perfectly clear mind but severe physical problems refused to stop driving. I wrote to the Division of Motor Vehicles and described his physical limitations and my concern for his and others safety. They contacted him (and kept my letter anonymous) requiring him to retake the vision, written and driving test and have his doctor approve. That stopped him in his tracks, and he gave it up because he knew he couldn't pass.

November 6, 2019
A myALZteam Member

I talked to my H about what if he had an accident and hurt someone. I explained to him that he feels capable, but his Dr’s were not only worried about him but what if he had an accident, which people had been hurt a child, is the risk worth it. I left some papers out that people had serious accidents, it was up to him if he felt two Dr’s said do not drive, he does and like I said hurts somebody he will never forgive himself. I did not mention it again, couple of days later he gave me his Keyes. Now this worked for me, and everyone is different. He now loves me chauffeuring him around.
Good luck.( a little to much)

October 6, 2019
A myALZteam Member

LR44, My husband is in early stage. The neurologist sent him to be tested. He passed with flying colors. So far it isn't his driving, it is his directions. He is to be tested again in January.

October 6, 2019
A myALZteam Member

Mom's doctor told her she could no longer drive, and told Dad he would be liable if he allowed her to drive and she had an accident. She was mad (mostly at me), but it's worth it not to worry about that any more.

October 8, 2019
A myALZteam Member

Go through you dept of motor vehicles and try to have his license pulled. It may take some leg work but worth it if you get him to stop driving. It could save his life or someone else. It is not easy because you are taking away his independence. We took parts out of our father's car!!

October 14, 2019

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