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My mother's doctors have suggested/told my mother that she should no longer be driving. She now lives in an independent living facility where transportation is provided. Earlier this year, I borrowed my mother's car. My sister and I decided this would be a good way to transition into not returning the car to my mom. Recently, we told my mom that we would not be returning the car to her and why. She naturally got upset and demanded the return of the car. As time has progressed, the conversations… read more

July 18, 2019
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Answer Summary

Members shared deeply relatable stories about the painful process of taking car keys from parents with dementia, acknowledging that losing... Read more

Members shared deeply relatable stories about the painful process of taking car keys from parents with dementia, acknowledging that losing driving independence strikes at the core of their identity and autonomy. Several members offered creative strategies that have worked for them, including disabling the car while leaving it visible or in the driveway, telling their parent the car is in the shop indefinitely, involving the DMV for an official failed driving test, and considering anti-anxiety medication to address the underlying fear and agitation rather than just the anger. A recurring theme was the emotional toll on both sides, with many describing how their parents eventually stopped asking about the car after time passed, while others noted the heartbreak of being met with anger and accusations from someone who remains kind to everyone else.

A myALZteam Member

Tell her the car is outside, just keep the car, but give her the keys. This gives her a sense of control, but she will not fine the car if she were to look for it.

July 18, 2019
A myALZteam Member

I know this sounds deceptive but disable the car but let her know her car is back. Al least she won’t be able to drive it and she might be content knowing she got the car back.

July 19, 2019
A myALZteam Member

Thank you everyone. Your answers so far have been helpful. I have called her neurologist's office to talk about anti-anxiety medicine.

July 19, 2019
A myALZteam Member

Update on mom. Sister took her to DMV yestetday. DMV asked her to take a driving test. She did not pass. Was very angry. She thinks my sister and I did something. We just alerted them she has a medical review form on file. But she had to call my sister to ask what her address was while with examiner. She demanded the key. Said she hated us. Don’t come ever again. Mom has the key but we are getting a new key and adding a battery switch so we can turn it off when we are not using it. Our visits agitate our mom so we will leave it to her caregivers for what she needs. We use Amazon to mail her things she needs. Otherwise, we are leaving her alone. She is nice to everyone else. This disease is awful. I no longer have a mother. Just a mean rude person.

August 10, 2019 (edited)
A myALZteam Member

My siblings go thru this daily about the car. Our mom is 91 and her doctor said no driving!!! She gets SO angry!! She can't remember what happened two minutes ago but never forgets that car!!

July 30, 2019

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