I Am The Sister Of A Caregiver Caring For Her Husband. He Is In The Middle Stages Of The Disease. I | myALZteam

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I Am The Sister Of A Caregiver Caring For Her Husband. He Is In The Middle Stages Of The Disease. I

A myALZteam Member

My sister has a lot of anxiety and recently had to go on meds for high blood pressure. Her day to day quality of life is suffering. What can I do to try and talk to her that is getting near the time she has to make hard decisions. She will be no good to him if she in turns gets really sick. I am worried about her. He gets very upset and won't allow any one to stay there or I would move in to be there for her.

posted March 4, 2017
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13 replies
A myALZteam Member

My Mom relies on me (the daughter) as I live with her. She is mid-way stage 2. But there are times that I need to go somewhere without her and its for my sanity too that she not came. So I generally take her to have a coffee party at one of her sister in laws and I'll be back after my appointment.

If you are really thinking of moveing to a complex it is usualy easier to do it sooner than later. Earlier means they can be in on the discussion and go in with positive outlook and will be more willing to make friendships. Later means it will be all so foreign that you may have major fight on your hands. They feel abandoned, alone, very scared. My Mom will not visit my brother in the new house as its new and unfamiliar. A mulstsi levelfacility means they get familiar with the facility and when time for change comes, they can just change rooms and he people and the rooms will be comfortable to them still.

Good luck!

posted March 31, 2017
A myALZteam Member

Good luck. Take care of you too.

posted March 16, 2017
A myALZteam Member

See it's just me here living in Chicago with my mother in a two bedroom apartment and for about six or seven years now since my mother's been diagnosed I have been taking care of her and now all of a sudden my brother wants to take her to Atlanta where she's never been and she doesn't know anybody, and will probably hinder me homeless and alone here in Chicago!

posted March 15, 2017
A myALZteam Member

Hi Tobi,

It would depend on the severity of her disease. When we placed my mom in assisted living she was probably in the third stage of the disease and they would not let her live in her apartment anymore as she was screaming at people. There are 5 brothers and sisters and we all took turns different days of the week and she had more company from us than when she was in her own apartment. Again, it does not mean your mother will adjust but my mom liked the assisted living home. After that my husband and I went every other day and when she was in nursing home we all made sure we checked on her. If the nursing staff was questionable I would go every day and call each night and get an update, etc. It is tough with other siblings. I had my older sister who would not go, very seldom. Has anyone tested your mom, a neurologist etc. My mothers' two doctors were the ones that helped us with certain things. Does she have friends who would visit her, and again there are a lot of people in her position and my mom made friends here and there.

posted March 12, 2017
A myALZteam Member

So do you recommend that I put her in a assisted living home ,because I am all my mother knows and my brother just wants to make it easy on him and is wife but I told him if you put her in assisted living home it will make her worse she should be around someone who understands her and that's me ,so should I fight it or just give up and let him put her in a home

posted March 11, 2017 (edited)
A myALZteam Member

Our mother told us if anything ever happen that we had to keep her safe then put her in a safe place, and we did as we had her in beautiful assisted living homes but she was getting worse throwing food at people in the dining room, etc. so we as a family and of course the doctors said it was time for a dementia unit. Now that she is gone I do not think that I had to place her in a dementia unit. I thank God we had the strength to do it, also like all of you, worn out and sad, but not guilty. Loved her way too much.

posted March 10, 2017
A myALZteam Member

If you wear you self out, then you won't be able to help your mother adjust to the help she needs

posted March 9, 2017
A myALZteam Member

Yes indeed i use to be a very active person but now my back hurts, and im not eating or sleeping properlyand my brother wants to move my mother into a assisted living complex I love my mother too much to do that but It can wear you out!

posted March 9, 2017
A myALZteam Member

I agree. My sister has to make some decisions soon to avoid further health issues. Stress can do all kinds of stuff to your mind and body, some of which you cannot recover.

posted March 8, 2017
A myALZteam Member

It's hard for someone to even consider moving a loved one to a nursing home but it's the best place, usually the safest place for them. The transition can be extremely difficult and heartbreaking but for the caregiver it's time to take back your life to some semblance of normalcy. You don't do the patient any good if you are sick also.

posted March 7, 2017

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