My husband lost his ability to walk but before that, he had become incontinent with his urine and bowels. When he finally was not able to walk was the last thing for me and I determined that he needed to be in the local Veteran's home. His inability to walk and get into the shower or to the bathroom was the last thing I could handle so I had no way to bathe him and became unable to dress him. I couldn't tell him right away that I was putting him in the Veteran's home because he would not have gone voluntarily, so I told him that he was going for additional therapy so that he would be able to walk again. He has never gained enough strength to walk so I cannot bring him home. He has accepted it, as well as anyone could. It is a lovely facility, and he is well cared for. They have activities and games occasionally and some he participates in and others he isn't interested in. I know he is safe and well cared for. It is a locked facility and I have to sign in for every visit, and that makes me happy to know he is well cared for.

A turning point, for me, was after he’d injured his leg, pretty badly, overnight, and I’d completely slept through it. But a big factor, too, was tendency to get agitated enough, on an occasion or two, to the point of becoming aggressively scary. Ultimately, I ran out of options for keeping us both safe together at home. But I also was just becoming so exhausted, I just felt like I needed more support and relief, than what in home help could provide.

Just a bit of advice, I’d wish I’d had, when placing my husband, because he had some complicated pain management issues, as well as challenging behavioral issues. Look for an ECC licensed facility. An Extended Congregate Care (ECC) license is issued to an assisted living facility that provides services beyond those authorized for a standard ALF, meaning that they may provide additional nursing services and total assistance with personal care services.