Hi Ross, gosh that's a tough one. Is your beautiful wife still cognisent of her surroundings? I wonder if therapeutic reasoning wouldn't or if it would play a positive roll. I hate to even ask but have you tried a respite weekend to find out. All that we do is based on experimental stradegies that change everyday, so try it, she just may enjoy it. Prsyers🙏

Thanks. Very similar scenario although my wife has been getting aggressive. Had in home health come today for the first time. Came home 3 hours later and she was uncontrollable. Had to take her to the ER again and she was admitted. Meeting with a dedicated memory care facility tomorrow that can support a rapid admission if needed. Also highly recommend from people I trust.

I took care of my husband for 6 years after his diagnosis at 67 years old while he progressively got worse. When he started having accidents going to the bathroom, and needed help with his shower, "I decided" I wanted him to go to assisted care. I did try inhome help for 3 months but he only wanted me to do things for him not them. I will be the first to tell you that I was not very good at this full-time caregiving. We did respite care for a couple of weeks to see how he would adjust to full-time and every morning he packed his suitcase wanting to go home. He has no idea anything is wrong even though he stopped driving 3 years ago, needs help dressing, walks like a ninety year old man, can hardly read anymore, barely able to print his name, and no longer fixes any meals when he used to always enjoy helping out.

I knew I could not tell him he was going to a home even though he went with me to tour two senior care facilities and was assessed at both places. I did tell him that we were both getting older and would need help someday caring for ourselves. He didn't go willingly when it was time and I told him we were going to have dinner there because I didn't want to cook anymore. I still have lunch and dinner with him everyday and watch TV movies with him for several hours. Even though I am with him 7 to 8 hours a day (spit up) I feel like a boulder has been lifted off my back. I can now enjoy being with my husband instead of dreading cleaning up after him and having to take him with me every where I went. He gets his hair cut and toe nails clipped there as well as laundry and meals. Although our retirement savings are now being spent on his housing instead of trips, it is well worth the peace of mind that I feel.

I think you both have to accept it. When I first was diagnosed with MCI I went from doctor to doctor to gather tools but other than exercise and namenda that was it. A nice young intern came in before the doctor and he sat with me, empathized with me, validated my concerns. Then he told me I have to do the toughest thing of all. I asked what? He said “accept that you have it”. I needed to hear that. I think if my partner reaches a point to tell me HE is the one who needs help, it would help me to help understand. I think I would want him to take me to tour different places. I have visited a beautiful place that has an outside courtyard and the greatest level of freedom I could have that is pretty and felt like home. That is now in my mind when and if we reach that point. He says he wants me to stay at home and although I would love to be able to, I know he does not have a clue what is involved 24/7. I had a neighbor whose husband was caring for his wife with Alzheimer’s. One day he made the “mistake” of falling asleep. She left and after an entire day she was found wandering 30 miles from home. Both of you should discuss worse case scenarios. And plan for whatever the best solutions would be. Just my thoughts. Bless you on your journey.

I have respite care starting on Monday. But the doctors have been telling me to start doing my homework on memory care facilities. Hopefully respite helps us both. I’ve just been thinking she won’t be very accepting of being told she has to enter memory care and wondering what people have done to ease that transition. She has both Alzheimer’s and is losing her sight as well. She doesn’t seem to accept it.