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Who Is Going To Take Care Of Your Loved One If You Are Hospitalized Or Die, Children Live Out Of State?

Who Is Going To Take Care Of Your Loved One If You Are Hospitalized Or Die, Children Live Out Of State?

Who is going to take care of your loved one if you are hospitalized or die
the children are estranged (not involved in the Caregiving), live out of state
or living their own lives??
After two years this question has come around again in our Alzheimer’s
Men Support Group, the same question I posted on this social media
website one year ago. Only received three hugs and one useful advice.
ALZteam member AM recommended a Geriatric Care Manager or
Health Care Manager certified with Aging Life… read more

posted March 4 (edited)
A myALZteam Member

ThreePines, this question came up last year. It tok a while, but here is my plan:

I have a three phase plan for providing support for my wife if I am unexpectedly incapacitated (or worse):

1. Problem Detection - At 7 AM each day, I send an “I’m OK” text message to a reliable friend in Florida. If he doesn’t receive the message within 1 hour, he will attempt to call me. If he can't reach me by phone, he will attempt to call my sister-in-law, who lives in town and has access to our house. If he cannot reach my sister-in-law, then he will call the town Police Department and request a “wellness check” at our home address.

If my friend does reach my sister-in-law by phone, then she will come to our house to see what’s wrong.

At 8 PM, the same process is repeated with my daughter who lives in California.

I purchased an electronic, internet-accessible door lock and installed it on our front door. Now my friend in Florida and my daughter in California can unlock the front door for the police or emergency services, if required. This step is necessary because if the police perform a wellness check and do not get a response, they will break in.

2. Short Term Care - I have a “handshake agreement” with a home care agency in an adjacent town to provide full time support for my wife if I become unavailable. My sister-in-law will act as “supervisor” to ensure that the care my wife receives is satisfactory. My daughter will act as treasurer to ensure that the care company’s bills are paid.

I have been using this agency for six months for respite care. Of the 6+ caregivers who have worked with my wife, all have been at least “good” and two have been “excellent.”

I anticipate that Short Term Care will be needed for a minimum of 30 days before the Long Term Care program can be implemented.

3. Long Term Care - there is a memory care facility in our town which specializes in caring for Alzheimer’s patients. This facility is well regarded and it is rated as a “5 Star” facility by the regional Council on Aging. My intent is that my wife will receive long term support from this facility. I have contacted this facility and received their application package which I have not completed because I want to care for my wife at home as long as possible. So the Short Term Care will be used to complete the application and to wait for a bed to become available. Not a perfect solution, but the best one I could devise.

posted March 4
A myALZteam Member

Our neurologist has a question he asks at every appointment - what happens if you (as the caregiver) get appendicitis and have to be gone for a few days? It was so helpful because from the very beginning it put me in the mindset of having backup, both short and long term. Every six months or so I review “the plan” and check in with everyone involved to make sure they are still comfortable and available with helping out in an emergency. When my Mom started needing assistance involving being lifted out of chairs and moved in and out of her wheelchair, I added paid caregiving assistance to the list so our support system wouldn’t have to do it alone. Now that we are closer to the end than the beginning, I have connected with three hospice companies so I can be on their radar for the future and so other members of our friends and family support know what the plan is for the next step. It helps me to quiet the anxieties about the future and helps me stay focused on the day-to-day work of loving and caring for my Mom. I know that I would struggle to deal with all the logistical stuff if I was in the midst of my own emergency! Semding hugs and support to all!❤️

posted March 4
A myALZteam Member

@A myALZteam Member, we have four children between us, but we already went to the lawyer and had all the papers filed for POA and whatever other papers were needed. In our particular case, if I'm not available, my husband's daughter would take over her father's care. It seems your situation is a bit different though if the kids are not involved in any way with the caregiving. All of our four children live out of town, but his daughter is only 2 - 3 hours away so she could come be with him. My husband is in Memory Care anyways so he would have the care, but it would be the decision making that would have to be made by his daughter if I was not able to do that. I pray God allows me to be here for him for the rest of his life but only he knows when that might be. I hope you will be able to find your way in this situation and get the answers you need for your wife. Blessings

posted March 4
A myALZteam Member

Hi LesliePrice, hope your children and relatives are giving
you the Support you need but see by your Story still feeling
isolated, frustrated and stressed out.
This disease, maybe like all disease, is hard to understand
and with Caregiving 24/7 it is hard to educate yourself on
what to do. Find little things for your children to help you, an
activity your husband would like, meals that can be refrigerated
or frozen for next week, fold clothes from the dryer. It will be
hard for them to understand this disease but these little things
will help you and make them feel useful.
Stay positive, as an Occupational Therapist you know how
important it is to stay physically and mentally active through
activities during the day. Spring is almost here, and the
Alzheimer’s Association Heart of America Chapter has
Early-Stage Programs but due to the pandemic in-person
social engagement has been postponed. The Alzheimer’s
Association’s (Phone number can only be seen by the question and answer creators) always got me through some
pretty dark times.
Wishing you all the best and have a Good weekend.

posted March 4
A myALZteam Member

Just a year ago, I came down with cellulitis and had to check myself into the hospital. My sister lives in town but doesn't want to care for mom full time in any way shape or form but she did for that 4 day stretch. (When I thought I was moving across the country, she took mom to look at nursing homes the first day I went out of town to look for a new place to live. THE VERY FIRST DAY!!!!) I always have at least one week, and usually two weeks of meds packaged up with different colored envelopes for each day of the week, and a different sized envelope for AM or PM pills and clearly labeled so my sister can step in for a short-term care. I also have an Excell chart made up of all mom's meds and when she should take what. Mom is also on hospice and can go to the hospice home for a 5 day stay every 5 weeks. (We did a practice stay there in the fall just in case and mom hated it and claims she will never go back) All meds need to be in their original pill bottles so if all her meds are packaged up in the envelopes, that becomes a problem. I have had several people from church volunteer to help but I can't count on them to give the level of care that mom requires (she can't be left alone at all) but it is still a comfort to my heart to have them ask if there is anything they can do. I pray a lot that I will be able to be here for mom until the end.

posted March 5

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