Who Is Going To Take Care Of Your Loved One If You Are Hospitalized Or Die, Children Live Out Of State? | myALZteam

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Who Is Going To Take Care Of Your Loved One If You Are Hospitalized Or Die, Children Live Out Of State?

A myALZteam Member

Who is going to take care of your loved one if you are hospitalized or die,
the children are estranged (not involved in the Caregiving), live out of state,
or living their own lives??
After two years this question has come around again in our Alzheimer’s
Men Support Group, the same question I posted on this social media
website one year ago. Only received three hugs and one useful advice.
ALZteam member AM recommended a Geriatric Care Manager or
Health Care Manager certified with Aging Life Care Association (ALCA).
“” Aging Life Care management is a holistic, client-centered approach
to caring for older adults or others facing ongoing health challenges.
Working with families, the expertise of Aging Life Care Professionals
provides the answers at a time of uncertainty. Their guidance leads
families to the actions and decisions that ensure quality care and an
optimal life for those they love, thus reducing worry, stress and time off
of work for family caregivers through assessment and monitoring, planning
and problem-solving, education and advocacy, family caregiver coaching.””
Even though a Health Care Manager is expensive (may or may not be
covered by Long Term Care Insurance) hired a Health Care Manager and
posted an update eleven months ago. Also note have Posted the Behavior
Health hospital would not let the Health Care Manager in to help me make
prescription drug decisions. Since then, have learned there is a patient
advocate to address your concerns when disagreements between
doctors/nurses and family issues arise.
The same recommendation was given to this member of our Alzheimer’s
Men Support Group, told him of my experience, even though cost was not
an issue might be better to have a Home Health Aide.
He thanked me for the information/experience, (the Support Group offered
no answer) he said would research further for an answer that would satisfy
So, I am posting this question again;
Who is going to take care of your loved one if you are hospitalized or die,
the children are not involved in the Caregiving, live out of state or living
their own lives??

posted March 4, 2022 (edited)
View reactions
16 replies
A myALZteam Member

I have in home hospice so any short term care would come from them. For long term care, I am hoping he would go to hospice. It is a question I need to clarify with them.
Hoping I will out live him.

posted August 21, 2022
A myALZteam Member

Thank you @A myALZteam Member for bringing this question up and for all of the suggestions. Thank you Robert for your share as well! I have been thinking about this lately because I am with my mom 24/7 with only a few hours off a week. It would be a huge change for her if anything happened to me. I am thinking about getting a life insurance plan for myself so that if anything happened to me, she could rely on that for long-term care along with whatever longterm care insurance she might have. I hope to be here for my mom until her last breath, but if something were to happen to me, I need a plan so that whatever changes she will have to face, will go as smoothly as possible.

posted August 19, 2022
A myALZteam Member

Sandi, that is really a lovely picture of your mother sitting in such a beautiful area!! The flowers are beautiful!!

posted March 5, 2022
A myALZteam Member

It is so hard being a sole caregiver. You are a savior to your mom. Beautiful flowers by the way. Hang in there. Hugs and prayers

posted March 5, 2022
A myALZteam Member

Just a year ago, I came down with cellulitis and had to check myself into the hospital. My sister lives in town but doesn't want to care for mom full time in any way shape or form but she did for that 4 day stretch. (When I thought I was moving across the country, she took mom to look at nursing homes the first day I went out of town to look for a new place to live. THE VERY FIRST DAY!!!!) I always have at least one week, and usually two weeks of meds packaged up with different colored envelopes for each day of the week, and a different sized envelope for AM or PM pills and clearly labeled so my sister can step in for a short-term care. I also have an Excell chart made up of all mom's meds and when she should take what. Mom is also on hospice and can go to the hospice home for a 5 day stay every 5 weeks. (We did a practice stay there in the fall just in case and mom hated it and claims she will never go back) All meds need to be in their original pill bottles so if all her meds are packaged up in the envelopes, that becomes a problem. I have had several people from church volunteer to help but I can't count on them to give the level of care that mom requires (she can't be left alone at all) but it is still a comfort to my heart to have them ask if there is anything they can do. I pray a lot that I will be able to be here for mom until the end.

posted March 5, 2022
A myALZteam Member

EvaNoble, you have your hands full with just you and your husband, take care of him and all the fur babies.
Connect with someone in your area and have a Good weekend.

posted March 5, 2022
A myALZteam Member

Good question to which I have no answer. I am overwhelmed with the here and now. I am struggling and have no idea what to do or who to talk to.
I know I must have a plan for the future but it just seems so daunting at the moment.
Sorry I couldn’t be of any help.

posted March 4, 2022
A myALZteam Member

Thank you to everyone for their good ideas and suggestions. Definitely need to get plans in place with the family.

posted March 4, 2022
A myALZteam Member

@A myALZteam Member, we have four children between us, but we already went to the lawyer and had all the papers filed for POA and whatever other papers were needed. In our particular case, if I'm not available, my husband's daughter would take over her father's care. It seems your situation is a bit different though if the kids are not involved in any way with the caregiving. All of our four children live out of town, but his daughter is only 2 - 3 hours away so she could come be with him. My husband is in Memory Care anyways so he would have the care, but it would be the decision making that would have to be made by his daughter if I was not able to do that. I pray God allows me to be here for him for the rest of his life but only he knows when that might be. I hope you will be able to find your way in this situation and get the answers you need for your wife. Blessings

posted March 4, 2022
A myALZteam Member

I have a private nurse I used after my husband had surgery and was not lucid…expensive but worth it. As a veteran he is also entitled to some home healthcare and our children have offered to help should I need it. For that, I’m very grateful. Some friends offered but then disappeared…a few still help out. Time will tell as to how much I will need to use these resources! Hope this helps a little! 💙

posted March 4, 2022

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