It’s like being lured into quicksand.... you have to try to avoid it.
When my wife gets agitated, name calling, etc., I keep telling her how much I love her and that she’s my best friend in the whole wide world, give her a big hug and kiss her on the forehead.....
Sometimes it softens her up, distracts her a little. Sometimes it has no effect on her. If it fails, I try her favorite music. If that fails, silly humor.... and I mean silly..... underwear on my head, Kleenex stuffed in my nose.... I’ve got a whole comedy act scripted. Some days those things work. Some days I fail and tell her I’m going to check the mail and give her some time to cool down, and give me an opportunity to breathe and think of a new approach.
But one thing that is sure to fail..., joining her in the argument or even trying to reason with her with my “superior” intellect 😛
So I guess the short answer.... anything but joining in !!
Good luck to you.. when you find a little magic, please share it with us. I’m sure most of us struggle with this one.
P.S. Try to agree with her on everything. Winning an argument is impossible.

My mom tries that at well. KLane got it right and I have done that as well. I am not going to argue. Of late I just let her think and say what she wants. Reasoning just seems to make her madder and in reality it isn’t important that anyone is right. I keep saying in my brain will this matter in 5 years. The answer is usually no. So I need to let it go.

@A myALZteam Member Such great advice and insight from all. One thing I learned is there is a space between stimulus and response and it can be lengthened. I continue to work on not saying anything when I am triggered. It can be so hard for me when I'm tired and he has been picking all day at what I do. If I don't just react, I can stay cool and see that it helps nothing. But am not perfect, and agree that forgiving one's self is super important.
Blessings

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A myALZte...

Hi Joe! I strongly endorse the wise advice that Mark has shared - developing a bag of tricks for distraction and a depth of patience you never knew possible will help you to get through those arguments. I am going to add that developing the ability to forgive yourself is a skill that goes along with all this. You will have bad days where your patience runs thin and you say something or use a tone that you instantly regret. Apologize to your loved one and yourself, commit to trying to do better next time and them try not to beat yourself up. Nobody loses their humanity when they become a caregiver and know that your Mom wouldn’t want you feel bad and if she had the ability, she would forgive you right away. Sending hugs and support!❤️

My husband loves to fight over every little thing now.
I pray for patience and really try not to explode. The
doctor is trying to regulate his medication so he will be a little more agreeable. Best of luck to you.