Hello, my brother is 22 year older than me. There are no siblings in between. He never married and have no children. We cannot convince my brother who stays with me and my son that my son has not taken his address books. He has been with us 2 years and insists that my 26 year old son, who is twice as large, wears his clothes, wears his shoes and took all of his address books. We try to deflect, but sometimes it turns into full blow shouting matches. My son now records the encounters on his… read more
My first lesson learned in my sister's care was, You can't reason with Dementia!
I couldn't teach her a better way to do things but I could teach myself how to react to it. It seems you are doing the same. It's hard to keep your things out of the bathroom but it's easier than having everything mucked up. My life got so much easier when I pared my kitchen dishes down to just 3 of everything. My sister could wash dishes her way, with cold water and her hand. Dry and put them away. Every afternoon and evening when she was in bed it would only take me a few minutes to rewash it all without her knowing. Her sense of usefullness was protected AND our physical health was as well. Stay strong! You are doing an amazing thing taking care of your brother.
There is no rationalizing with an Alzheimers Dementia loved one; you can only deflect by changing the subject or redirecting their attention to a new subject. They can either see you as an argumentative person who doesn't believe their reality or the see you as the person who turns their minds to calmer happier times. You can never win the argument, that's a fact, no matter how rationally you present it. We have to meet them where they are and help them work their way out of their anxiety or depression by redirecting their attention, perhaps with a snack or singing a favorite song or just saying, "I love you." This was a hard lesson for me to learn personally, because I always wanted to correct the situation, to make them understand so things would be better next time. There is no longer any "teaching moments," there is only the present, this particular 1 minute of attention span, and they need to see us as the carer, not the arguer. It is such a terrible disease, and may God bless you for all your efforts.
Sense of usefulness is so important I think. They are discovering as the disease progresses, that there are so many things they can no longer do, so whatever they can do, if it is safe, let them do it...D washes the dishes, cleans the counters etc...it makes him feel good...he does excellent job on Stove, but not so good on dishes anymore, but like you said Brenda, just finish them after your sister goes to bed...D washes with dish liquid and puts them to dry so I just check.
Well described Beachilady it is only this moment and using calm response and care is the only alternative. How many pairs of undies go in the trash is hard to count.... Blessings
Beachilady said it best. It didn’t take me too long to realize that looking at my mom with love and a smile with a gentle touch not only calmed her but helped reduce the stress and frustration for myself. Everyone’s situation is different and ever changing with AZL. Take heart, venting is good😎