My mom has a few friends who feed into her fear that I am buying things for myself/paying my bills with her money, which I’m not. In fact, neither my brother nor I are her POA because I’m order to minimize her stress, we want to stay out of her finances thereby remaining above suspicion. Unfortunately for me, it’s not working. At the request of her POA, I had her mail transferred to my address, which is where a lot of the confusion… read more
It's a phase and will pass. Just grit your teeth and hang on. Offer the old biddies to swap places with you. Talk is cheap.
Paranoia is common, my husband used to handle finances and iof course now I do! He questions and accuses me a lot and it's very frustrating. I would most definitely have that conversation with her friends and remind them that you are there to care for her, not take advantage of her.
That bring said I'm not sure an email is as effective as a personal conversation. I Periodically call friends with updates and they really need that. Her friends possibly are feeding her existing fears not initiating them
Do your mother’s friends have dementia as well? Do they know she has dementia? I have similiar issues and feel your pain. I do bills for my MIL and she complains constantly about not knowing about her finances. I have pulled bank statements and done income/expense reports to show her everything is fine. But she ignores them. She can’t understand and process the info. Yet when she talks to friends or distant relatives it seems to them like she is normal and that we are overstepping and taking away her independence. I wish there was an easy answer. It’s incredibly frustrating. Best thing we have found is to just assure her that she is fine and that her money is fine and that we are looking out for her because we love her. We did call one of her friends who stirred up trouble. This friend does not have dementia. We told the friend her diagnoisis and assured her we are following exactly what the doctors and other experts say to do. Asked her to just be her friend and reassure her that all is well. That seemed to help. Good luck.
I know it’s very hurtful but we need to not take this personally. You need to remind yourself that it’s the disease. If they weren’t accusing you of using her money, they’d find something else to accuse you of and no matter what scenario they choose, it really is just the disease. It makes people paranoid. My own mother goes to great length to hide things before she leaves her room to go to a meal, or just to leave h er room. She hides everything. Her tv remote, hair brushes, deodorant, anything that’s out, she hides it. She thinks someone will steal her stuff.