my husband has vascular demantzia wants to see his late mum what do i say
@A myALZteam Member, when the "let's do it later," ceased to work with my wife, my next step was to simply say, "OK." I would then take her to the car, get in, and go driving. As we drove, other subjects came up and other thoughts or ideas replaced those of going to visit her mother. It ceased to become an immediate need. Then, we would go back home and it was over - for a while. No, it doesn't solve it. It is a constantly changing picture. There were times I even took her on a drive to visit the cemetery and she came to the realization that we had been there and asked the question, "Did my mother die?" After she recognized on her own that her mother was not alive to visit, I could say nice things about her mother and talk about how she doesn't suffer and we all still love her mother even when she isn't here.
No one can give you an absolute solution. There are things that work some days and things that don't work. Some sort of manipulated answer without pressure or argument can satisfy, but usually only temporarily. That is part of caring for someone with this terrible, cruel disease.
My Mom had vascular dementia and would ask about her Mom, Dad, siblings etc all deceased. I told her they were fine, safe and loved her. At first I told the truth but since she asked over and over and over...I would say they were happy and love her. Then we would call one of the living senior friends or talk about a old funny memory about them or her. Never say don't you remember?Distraction worked best. They can get aggravated with lengthy explanations, so keep answers brief.
Hugs XOXO
You can do as @ Craftylady suggests, above, or suggest, "OK, we can plan that trip later." I don't know your logistics but, regardless, many times, that satisfies the immediate request by recognizing it, and they forget later. Yes, he will remember again but likely will not remember that you already agreed to do that.
This is hard. My MIL would ask so I learned to reply 'where do you think she is....? " This isn't hurtful or harmful because it made her think back." She's dead came the response ". And then she remembered. After that first time she would say" my mum is dead isn't she? " I would nod. This went on for a week and after that it stopped. About three months later she did it again and I did the same thing. Eventually it stopped. Was it the right thing to do? I don't know but I put photos of her parents in her room thinking it would help.? Who knows.
Show a picture and relate the truth that mum pass in (whenever) That's why we have not seen her. Just relate the facts as they really happened. He probably ask again but just quietly while rubbing his arm just tell the truth..