my hubby has 4 children. They are hardly around and yes i know its hard to see their dad fading away and they cant handle it. But boy they can tell me how to do things and so on and have the nerve to ask me why I AM STRESSED or depressed. REALLY. How can they give me advise when they have no clue what he is like or anything cause they are not here. What is the nicest way of telling them to shut up. If they care so much then where are they. Yes i know they have lives also. I feel that if i… read more
Hi, @A myALZteam Member. These words from your president Theodore Roosevelt are being used here at the moment in a TV ad. Seems like he could have been speaking to each of us. Cheers, S.
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”
Like you, I have been in the same hurtful predicament.
My husband has three adult daughters and for too a long time they were oblivious to what I was living with. Life is hard enough, you don't need this!
The only way it's going to change is if you change.
This is what I did!
I stopped holding my feelings back. I let them know how badly they made me feel.
I made rules and set guidelines!
As soon as they started, I yelled STOP, this life is hard enoug...
I need your support, I need you to be more involved in your fathers life, I need your help!
What I don't need is your doubting, hurtful and unsolicited opinions!
Open up Ruby and let them know!
Why feel obligated to adult children who make you feel unappreciated?
Sending you one big hug from someone who has been there.
I know how you feel. My sister lives out of state and only visits once a year for about 3 days. I try to email her daily with updates on mom and dad, they both have some forms of dementia. She will answer, but not daily. Her emails are very short. She will offer advice or maybe say....try this or that but really she just doesn't 'get it'. I spoke with a counselor once that said to me......if you want to be the quarterback, you need to be in the game! She was referring to my sister and others that are offering advice from a distance but not here dealing this things on a daily basis. Best of luck to you.
I want to respond to you, to be of some help or comfort,, but as I write I just start to cry. I know your pain, frustration and hurt. I'm a caregiver for my mum of 12 or so years. I'm astounded how many of us experience the same things. My thoughts and prayers are for all us caregivers. I have no advice as I'm not able myself to know what the right thing to do. All I know is I'm tired physicality and mentally with this illness. Xxx
Oh my Ruby I just read your comments about people giving advice. Someone called me yesterday to give me advice. Seldom visits, thinks they know it all but just doesnt get it. This was not the first time this person has offered her wisdom. I tried to keep my cool, keep an open mind but its very difficult. I told her she is welcome to try her ideas on my husband when she goes to visit. I said ...have at him! I cant say if it was the right thing to say . My thoughts are with you though and all we can do is look after ourselves so we can look after them. As Lia says I am exhausted too and wish I had the answer. God bless you.
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