Just reading the responses, it seems common experience here that folks can be reluctant. We’ve been running our support group now for almost 5 years. Of the people who come through our doors - who are about 10% of the dementia community in our town - about 50% come back. Only about one in three go on to fully engage and become regular participants. No consolation to you, but maybe some validation about the reluctance that is out there. I would just encourage you to persevere by whatever means. In all the mayhem of dementia care, I have two things that I am convinced of. The first is that the wellbeing of people with dementia is determined not by doctors or medicines, but by the comfort and confidence that their primary carer has in that role. The second is that comfort and confidence of carers comes not through books or classrooms but through having a strong network of people in the same position to engage with. But I would say that, wouldn’t I. S

Valerie, when Jackie first went to day care I would go with her. After a couple of visits I chose a time when something interested her and excused my self fo10 minutes. Over a few weeks I added more minutes, she was fine and eventually I was getting away for as much of the session as I wanted. I hope you can work through this. Regards, Steve.

My husband made such a scene on going to day care that I gave up! But I have persevered with respite care for him as I need a break. I don’t visit as I go away, but family members and some friends do and report back to me. It’s hard and I have to be strong.

Last year I managed to get Alistair into respite for 4 days - he wasn't best pleased - when I had to have a colonoscopy. Told him I had to have tests in hospital, no details, bit of an exageration, and he accepted it as we kept saying it was only a few days.

Margaret peaked, I u understand my own health has gotten worse at times. I have Rheumatoid arthritis and I noticed I have more flare when I'm trying to do too much caring. Also I've finally realized it is like a demanding child in a way. The more I do the less my husband does.
So I'm writing notes to myself "Don't or I'll get even" from my RA. The note makes me laugh!