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How Do You Deal With Constantly Having To Repeat Things?

A myALZteam Member asked a question 💭
Palm Coast, FL

I'm getting frustrated with having to repeat instructions over and over again. How do others on here deal with this?

May 27, 2018
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Answer Summary

Members shared deeply honest struggles with the repetitive questions and behaviors that come with caring for someone with dementia,... Read more

Members shared deeply honest struggles with the repetitive questions and behaviors that come with caring for someone with dementia, acknowledging that while it doesn't truly get better as the disease progresses, finding patience, humor, and creative strategies helps preserve both sanity and the relationship. Several caregivers offered practical tools that have helped them cope, including writing answers on index cards or whiteboards, creating visual schedules or binders with answers to frequent questions, using redirection techniques like music or simple tasks, answering in calm consistent tones to avoid triggering anxiety, and reminding themselves that each question feels new to their loved one even if it's the tenth time that day. A recurring theme was the emotional toll of compassion fatigue, the guilt that comes with frustration, and the importance of self-care, prayer, and remembering to treasure the time remaining while accepting the very human limits of patience.

A myALZteam Member

In the beginning I would get extremely frustrated with my mother for asking the same few questions over and over. I finally found that 1. you can act like it's the first time you've heard it 2. you can answer the same every time 3. you can give a different answer every time for a little humor (my mom catches this every now and then!) 4. distract him with anything else. It's amazing and difficult to watch them live in the same moment over and over. I have learned how truly amazing our brains are. Let me tell you it's a lot more fun if you find the humor in it. Good luck and realize you are not alone.

September 26, 2018
A myALZteam Member

How will it "get better" Lianna? Maybe the humour helps with our tolerance and resilience but, in my experience, as dad's health deteriorates, the repetitive questioning is more frequent and more intense. My dad gets himself into a spiral and, despite best efforts to distract, he continues until bed time. We know the next day that question will have gone but it will be replaced by another at some time. We have noticed that the questions always have a trigger...really random sometimes... a chance meeting, a throwaway remark, a snippet of dialogue on TV, a newspaper headline.... sometimes it's only in the moment after he's gone to bed that we go "A-ha!" It's so hard!

November 3, 2018
A myALZteam Member

Bless you, Irene. Having a sense of humor is what saves me. I have done that as well. That is changing the answer. When I am in a good space, I'll make up an elaborate story. I am a fiction writer in my retirement; so I try to have fun with it. Also; I try to remember 'live and let live'. it doesn't always have to be my way.

November 3, 2018
A myALZteam Member

B happy and smile as if it's the first time they have asked, because for them it is. You can write things down ; I have a weekly planner with everything Dad does is written in it, it helps ease his anxiety too.

May 30, 2018
A myALZteam Member

Don't worry too much as for them it is a 'new moment ' they are experiencing and you could change your answer each time, it wouldn't matter. We keep our sanity by keeping a bit of humour and giving different answers like for instance, when my dad would keep asking our nephew if he had a girlfriend every five minutes, we told him to change his answer each time as he would forget anyway! as long as it's light hearted and not something that would upset or agitate them..

May 28, 2018

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