He talks about them as if they were still alive, and We've taken him to the cemetery to see where they're buried but of course he forgets a few hours later. He's constantly asking about them and wants to know why we or they don't visit. We always have an excuse that seems to comfort him for the moment. It's just easier to go along with him than to explain their passing because it was so heartbreaking when we told him the truth a while back. I hate lieing to him for my benefit but sometimes I… read more
I don't think this is really that kind of a lie. they are not living in our world as we know it. We have to step into their world sometimes. For me, its pretty much all the time now. I used to tell her the truth as I have always been a truth person. But I have learned that it's ok to tell her what she needs to make her world a better place. It works.. I am not a liar, I am a compassionate daughter.. Hugs to all of us going through this. There is no right way..
Here's how I decide to tell my mom the truth or lie to her...
Will the truth upset or anger her? Will she even understand?
Will the lie not hurt her or anyone else and satisfy and make her happy?
I take it one day/hour at a time.
I tried being truthful with my father at first that his mom had died and he was very upset. Another time he asked about her and was insisting he leave to go home to her. When I responded we could go later, he was still agitated. It was dinner time and he was getting angry. He insisted he needed to at least call his mom and let her know he wasn’t going to be home on time. To satisfy that request, I called my sister. The call went something like this...Hi Grandma, how are you? Dad is here and he wants to talk to you. He needs to let you know we need to change our plans and come home tomorrow. My father had a very pleasant conversation with his “mother”, was calmed down and came to dinner. I’ve done this a few times and it makes Dad very happy to talk to his mother.
I go along. Why make them sad? Yes, truth is good, but with a loved one with Alzheimer's, it is different. It is a love untruth. Whatever is said will be out of their mind in a moment anyway. I have Alzheimer's. If my hubby wants to keep me happy and has to fudge a little, I'm okay with it...it makes for a more relaxed, time for us both.
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