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My Mum Is 82 Lives On Her Own , How Will I Know When To Help Her Full Time As She Denies Any Problem.

My Mum Is 82 Lives On Her Own , How Will I Know When To Help Her Full Time As She Denies Any Problem.

Mum was diagnosed in march 2017 , im an only child and work full time .self employed. I go every morning to give her tablets and i go varying times during the week but she is so independent and refuses to admit she has alz
We spend most of the time looking for items and she get distressed when the gardener / window cleaner come incase she cant find keys or purse. Any advise on when to pack my work in and look after full time . Im worried sick that she isnt ok but always says she is ok . I cook… read more

A myALZteam Member said:

That's a difficult question to answer since I don't believe there is a set pattern for this disease. If you're noticing that the house smells of urine chances are that she is probably having accidents because she has difficulty finding the restroom. Also she may not be able to bathe properly. My Mom was like this when she could still comprehend some things. She insisted that she could do everything for herself. We knew she couldn't so we had to fight with her at first to help her bathe but since we stepped in she no longer has urinary tract infections. She also
Would get in the tub and get right out without putting water in and say she took a bath. I agree with spending more time gradually rather than going from one extreme to the other. If you are there full time she will feel like she's lost control of everything and you'll have many unpleasant moments. You'll also need to make sure she stops cooking as that can be dangerous as well. Good luck to you.

posted almost 5 years ago
A myALZteam Member said:

I pray all goes well for you.

posted over 4 years ago
A myALZteam Member said:

Get the doctor to refer her to acontinance nurse who can get a supply of continuance pants for your mom

posted almost 5 years ago
A myALZteam Member said:

Thank you so much for your comments which i find very helpful. I felt so alone in this but now you have given me so much more hope and confidence. I know its going to be difficult but knowing there are others going through the same that i can talk to on here lifts me Thank you xx

posted almost 5 years ago
A myALZteam Member said:

Hello Lorraine,
This is a really tricky question to answer.
Like you my mum denies any problem and likes being independent. And like you myself and my sisters work full time and have families to support. We know that full time care will be needed eventually but have opted for a gradual increase in help whilst mum is in the early stages.

Things started to get tricky when mum stopped eating properly and lost a lot of weight. Since then we have got help from social services, Age UK, Alzheimers UK and private carers. Mum has a carer at lunch to get her food and meds and I get her tea and give her meds after work. My sisters and I take it in turns to care for her at the weekend.She was confused about the carers and other help to begin with but as soon as she realised that they were useful and would willingly listen to her stories she looks forward to them coming!

This seems to be a long drawn out disease Lorraine. If you want to care for your mum I would suggest increasing care gradually rather than giving up work full time especially if she is fiercely independant. Look for help,you may be surprised at how much is going on in the UK at the moment. Having home help may be tricky to begin with but hopefully your mum will come to appreciate it if it is little and often to begin.

As far as dealing with the anxiety and the misplacing of items I have done various things in mums house like creating labelled places for things like her handbag keys etc. which she finds helpful at the moment (she is beginning to put things in odd places though).She has a days of the week chart which she can change daily as she was really hung up about the days and date. We try to deflect any anxiety with humour or redirection . A really useful book which we have all read is called Contented Dementia by Oliver James.

Hope this is useful to you . You are in my thoughts .

posted almost 5 years ago
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