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Sun-downing And Wanting To "go Home"

Sun-downing And Wanting To "go Home"

My mother, who is well cared for by my dad, has dementia and calls daily from out of town asking to "go home". She tells me that she needs to talk to her parents who passed away over 20 years ago so that they can pick her up and take her home. I read that redirecting the conversation is the way to go, but she gets very upset. I also read that we can try to explain other reasons that she can't go home such as, "the house is being painted". So far... it's been storming, treated… read more

A myALZteam Member said:

Redirecting isn't bad. Eventually you run out of excuses, I am sure. Just try to reassure her that she will go home some day, when things are better. My Father-in-Law tried to keep his wife oriented to the here and now and it just frustrated her. There is nothing wrong with some little white lies. My husband gets more annoyed with things later in the day, so I simply back off or change the subject. He knows he is forgetful. I fill in the holes, but don't insist when he is wrong about something. I just go along with it. No use in arguing/sam

posted over 4 years ago
A myALZteam Member said:

The reality is - we don't know their thoughts! That is what is very frustrating to me! My husband and I have been married for 47 years and I have Always known what he was thinking at any given time. Now, I don't have a clue! I have to live, alone, in my reality and simply guess what his is like. The amount of patience this takes is unbelievable!

posted over 4 years ago
A myALZteam Member said:

Yes, I found that even with a pleasant visitor it can be too much for him.

posted over 4 years ago
A myALZteam Member said:

Karol/Glenna,
Thank you for replying back!

I'm sorry to read that about your mom's delusions. That must be so stressful on top of this already stressful disease. I can see where fibbing would obviously cause issues. I believe my mom is also thanking the same medication. I'll have to see if altering it makes a difference. Since I've posted this question, she seems to have stopped the big time panicking.

I feel like it gets stirred up when her environment changes, if family go to visit my parents (since they live out of town- the grandkids and my siblings come for a weekend) or if they visit one of us (my siblings and I). I think this disorients her a little and she gets the delusions as well as sun downing more. Have you had this experience?

posted over 4 years ago
A myALZteam Member said:

If you were to tell her that yes you are all planning to head that way soon, would it make her happy? And then would she forget about it later? I think even if i say yes a thousand times and never do somethg, it seems to calm my hub. A lot of times he wants me to call his office and get some papers sent. I used to tell him he was retired and that didn't go over well. Now if I tell him I'll call, he is happy. It would depend on the stage though I guess.

posted over 4 years ago
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