A myALZteam Member
My Father-In-Law was a single guy living alone... When his dementia got really bad the doctor said he couldn't be left alone and needed 24/7 care... My husband, his son and I both work 40 hours a week... So, the only way to keep him home would have been to hire an agency of CNA's and companions to help him bathe, dress, eat etc..... The agencies would cost approximately $26 an hour or about or about $624 per day... not counting the cost of the home, groceries, heat etc.... The Nursing Homes in the area average about $350 to $400 per day... and he gets better care....... There is a doctor , an NP, and nurses on staff... The bring him his meals and deal with all his medical issues right there.... If you are home and not working,,, then you have a choice.. FOR US,.,,, The nursing home was cheaper and he gets better care... His dementia is so bad,, he doesn't even realize where he is.......
I have been taking care of my mother 74yrs me 46yrs for 4 years now. I always said never no home. I now be leave that she would be better in a afc home with people her age to interact with. we are both pretty miserable most of the time at this point. do it as long as you can but remember she would not want to take your life from you, and it will happen. my prayers are with you. good luck
Don't feel bad, you are doing the best that you can and that is what matters. Keep being there and making sure she knows you are there, that the people at the facility know she has people that care and check on her, it goes a long way on the way they treat her and they will be more sympathetic towards her needs and keep you up to date on her changes. At the same time, keep checking what else you can do in way of financial assistance and other help, for her and your family. Don't worry about what anybody will think or say, just keep doing what you are doing and you do not have to explain or give excuses. Do what you need and that's it, if anybody has anything to say or complain, invite them to take over those duties for a while to see if they can do it as well. If they can not give constructive or positive feedback or help, toss them out and keep on going it is not worth your time and energy on those people. SAVE your time and energy for those who need you. Take care and good luck.
I was one that always said I would never put my mom in a nursing home but unfortunately that really isn't something that anyone should promise anyone because there comes a time that you have no control but to go that route. I honestly had hoped we would never have to put my mom in a long term care facility but unfortunately that didn't happen. She got to the point that she could not get to the bathroom without an accident and could not take care of daily needs herself. My husband quit working to stay home with her, so I am the only one working full-time, but he has health issues himself and was at the end of his ability to care for her. It was very expensive to hire someone to come in and be there because she does need someone there 24/7 and there if no financial helps for this type of care. We checked out several facilities and picked one that is a not for profit/Church related facility and her doctor recommended as being the "Cadillac" of facilities. We also make sure that one of us is there on a daily basis at different times and make sure everyone knows that we are hands on with her and her care.
God bless those that don't have to.You just never know when things will take a turn.
I used to work in a facility doing other jobs and to see how they treat the dementia patients has me sure that I will keep him at home. It is a scary thought of who would protect them when they can't protect themselves.
People say my boyfriend will have to go to a facility at sometime, I am not planning on doing that. I will get extra help in the house so I can keep him home.
@A myALZteam Member My deepest and most heartfelt condolences to you. What an amazing story, she was so lucky to have you all there for her care right to the end. May she rest in peace now and be free from her struggle with the disease. My sincere sympathy to your family.
@ChristinaJ it is a very difficult thing to lose a loved one to this disease. I miss the mother I once knew who loved and cared for us. Your Mum is still in the early stages, my mum was able to remain at home for 12 years after her diagnosis and be surrounded with family and grandchildren it was only a year ago that we finally had to put her in memory care. We searched until we found exactly what we were looking for, a home away from home. She has all of her things and furniture in her bedroom and a wonderful staff to keep her safe and give her the care she needs. Hopefully your mum will be able to remain at home with your dad for years to come. When my dad passed away my mum declined drastically and we still cared for her at home for another 7 years, until we had no other option but to give her the best care possible in the late stages of this disease.
thank you for your input, my father is my mum's main caregiver and I am there on a regular basis. currently, my mum still functions with day to day living, my dad helps her with some things because she has always had back pain. and he does most of the cooking, she will cook breakfast and he will make lunch and supper. my mum is lost without my father, she doesn't even like to go out with me for long, shopping etc. because she wants to go back home and be with my dad. it scares me what is happening to my mum, and it makes me feel incredibly sad, i am losing my mum and it is very difficult for me. my dad refuses to put her in a home ever, some help may have to be brought in down the line, but for right now, my dad is taking good care of her, although he finds it difficult at times, but he loves her and has vowed to take care of her. he is worried how things will be later on, say next year...so we take life one day at a time. it's nice to be here and read other peoples experiences, some scare me a little, but it will help prepare me better for the time ahead of us.