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Can I ever get used to my hubs following me around everywhere? I really try but this still bothers me. Nothing I say makes any difference

A myALZteam Member asked a question 💭
July 1, 2025
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Answer Summary

Members connected deeply over the exhausting reality of being constantly followed by a spouse with dementia, with many sharing that they serve... Read more

Members connected deeply over the exhausting reality of being constantly followed by a spouse with dementia, with many sharing that they serve as their partner's safe zone and source of comfort in a frightening world, even though it can feel suffocating to have no privacy or alone time. Several members offered practical strategies, including parking their loved one in front of a favorite TV show while staying visible, waking up early for quiet moments, and enlisting family members for brief respite breaks when possible. A recurring theme was the guilt caregivers feel for their own frustration and resentment, balanced by the understanding that their presence provides irreplaceable security, with one member reflecting that after their journey ended, they cherished even the hardest moments of being their husband's safe place.

A myALZteam Member

@A myALZteam Member, it's so tough. Yes, you're his safe place, his comfort and solace. While there's beauty to be found in that, you're also an individual in your own right and it can be beyond annoying to feel that you have no privacy or autonomy. And then, of course, we feel guilty for our own resentment and anger about their behaviour and our situation. Sometimes, I locked myself in the bathroom just to have a few minutes alone. I used to get up very early so I could have a cup of tea and go for a walk while he was still sleeping. Is there anyone who could sit with him, even for half an hour, so you can have some time to yourself? He may not like being without you but it isn't healthy for you to have no time without your "shadow". Make space for you.

July 2, 2025
A myALZteam Member

You're his "safe zone", @A myALZteam Member. @A myALZteam Member's explanation above is very good. Mine follows me around, too; but I can "park" him on the couch watching a baseball game on TV if I'm doing things nearby and he can see me.

July 1, 2025
A myALZteam Member

@A myALZteam Member: What about a quiet hour at the end of the day? I get my hubby into bed and stay up an extra hour. I read or play Scrabble or Solitaire on the computer with any sound effects turned off. Whatever I do, it’s an hour of calm, quiet “me” time that lets me sleep.

July 2, 2025
A myALZteam Member

Mine does too. I have read that they need the comfort of knowing they aren’t alone and they are frightened. Doesn’t make it any easier though.

July 1, 2025
A myALZteam Member

We have 3 TVs in different rooms I keep telling him you can watch TV in another room, He just wants to be with me!! So I get it!! Have a blessed day

July 5, 2025

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