I agree with @A myALZteam Member that re-direction is the way to go. And be quick about it. It often seemed that my husband would be even more determined to do something unpleasant if I responded negatively. It was hard for me to give up trying to rationalize with him. I wanted so bad for there to be “somebody home” in his failing brain. Once I resigned, it got easier. My instincts still push back, but reality is a cruel reminder of what we’re dealing with. Hang in there!

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A myALZte...

As best you can just say hey let's go to this room so you can pee. Ignore the gross stuff as best you can. Saying something negative only adds fuel to the fire. Just re-direct the best you can. It is not easy by any means. I have just tried to make a joke out of allot of the negative stuff."I don't think your need to water the grass today, so how about we find another place to pee!"

Thank you all for your support. Yes, my daughter and I have patched up our relationship. I did apologize and said I just wanted to move forward. I told her I understood how hard it would be to move back. It's a new year and so we are doing the best we can with short talks. We are getting better each time we talk. In the mean time I have found a new group home for my husband. I placed him there 2 weeks ago and he is so happy and adjusting very well. There are only 6 people counting him and the staff is awesome. He gets to walk a dog who looks allot like our previous dog and go on walks and to places with the husband of the director who has taken him under his wing as a fellow "handyman."It is expensive but worth every penny and in a year they will accept KS medicaid. If you can find a small group home, it is so much better, especially if your loved one is still functioning at a higher level. 😇

I hear you, it's very exhausting being a caregiver to our spouse as they decline from this disease. I myself have yelled, "I can’t do this anymore"! I've found that the Adult Day Care is a great outlet for both of us. We call it the rec center instead of Adult Day care. The rec center has enriched my husband’s life, I love to see him laugh and be happy, and I don't know if that would be the same at a memory facility. I've been trying in-home care, the first didn't work for me so next week we're trying a new one. As for our adult kids, they're boys, our youngest is 26 and lives 1 hour from us and the elder is 30 and he’s out of state. I told my kids to get out and enjoy independence. It's been 2 years since our youngest moved out and our oldest has been out since last year Dec.1st. Our oldest felt he should stay at home to help with his dad, but I told him it's not his responsibility. I'm the one who said, "In sickness and in health" in our wedding vows 33 years ago. Just a suggestion from an outsider, consider calling your daughter and apologize, tell her you miss her, and your relationship is more important than not having one. No matter what was said, start over, move forward and rekindle the relationship. Sometimes we need to swallow our pride for the sake of peace. I hope you're able to patch things up with your daughter. I hope you're also able to get some needed help with your husband, and please take care of you.

Sadly, we've all become mothers to our toddler-spouses. That's what this disease does.