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Three different incidences have resulted in a friend/relative telling me someone should speak to my hubby about how he speaks to me with disrespect. I feel like it's the dementia causing the outburst and I've learned to not take it personally but it's embarrassing to have a dear friend bring up the fact how it bothers them and they don't like being around him when it happens. I've even been called a saint for being as patient as I am with his cognitive issues. I don't want to lose friendships… read more
Your friends dont understant it is the illness. The anger and outbursts can be the result of fear they have. There are meds that may help but they don't always work and the side effects may need to be watched. The good memories will always be with you. I wish you well.
Education, education, education!! I agree with what all of you have said. The general public does not understand this dreaded disease at all. Not one dementia patient is like another. They may have similar symptoms or reactions to surroundings, meds or situations , but they are hard to predict on any given day. Each day is different.Being a caregiver is hard enough some days without a so called friend being unsympathetic or rude!!
@A myALZteam Member I am so sorry your “friends” don’t get it. Dementia can cause our loved ones to say all sorts of bizarre things. I know you understand your husband better than anyone else and you know he would be horrified if he knew what he was doing. My sweet husband said some VERY strange and hurtful things during his last months.
Like you, I understood that he did not know what he was saying. I believe that as caregivers, we can educate the people around us. When someone says something negative about your husband, try to explain that this dear man would be horrified if he understood what he had done.
I was also told I was a saint but I reminded my friends that I was honoring my marriage vows and that Bill would have done the same if the tables were reversed. He did not choose dementia, and neither did I. It just happened. I loved him dearly for the 53 years we were married, and now I choose to remember the good times. ❤️
Cathy
@A myALZteam Member, I agree that so many people have no idea about how dementia affects the caregivers. Being a caregiver is something we had no training for. None of us expected this to happen to our loved ones. We learned on the job, and we just do what has to be done.
When the caregiving days are over, I think it’s important that we look back and realize how we’ve grown and what we learned during that difficult time. Instead of thinking we should’ve done something differently or better, we need to understand that we did the very best we were capable of. We are rock stars!
Many people don’t understand or don’t know about the disease … they usually know that Alz patients forget things ..
but when it comes to friends, we need to educate them how Alz /Dem patients act, talk etc.. I tell to my close friends about my daily stories and how I feel .. luckily they understand well and very supportive . Hope they understand about this disease ..and it’s not because of your husband talk like that , thats his monster disease make him talk like that. It still hurts and we don’t need our friend make us feel embarassed… we already reveive that alot from others …
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