Mark,
That is beautifully said. I too feel like God has been preparing me for this journey. Roy was my high school sweetheart and I love him completely. I would not be anywhere else. As Steve told us, we have to become more caregivers as the disease progresses and realize that although our loved one is still in there, the disease is taking over. We get a glimpse sometimes, but I feel they trust and find peace in knowing we are with them. It gets difficult as they withdraw and forget more and more of their lives with us. I believe it creates a deeper love in us for them that a lot of couples never reach. It makes us stronger and makes us appreciative life and the little things more.

As I told our son, just because you vent it doesn’t mean you don’t want the job:). Double negative, I know.

@A myALZteam Member

Isaiah 41-10
“So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

That’s a wonderful verse to lean on.
If only our faith matched His promise.

The Creator of the Universe is telling us…. Trust me, don’t worry.

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A myALZte...

Hello all! Having reached the other side of the journey, I hope I can help by letting you know that life does indeed continue - taking care of my Mom was the most important thing I will ever do and I am so thankful for the beautiful, challenging and profound journey we walked together. I have had moments where I can’t imagine that life can have as much meaning or that I can find something to commit myself to that will help me feel like I have purpose. So I have taken this time to commit myself to me. I pick things to do every day that are meaningful to me, things that help me remember that my Mom would want me to fill my soul again. I take a walk every day in a park or by a river. I read books and listen to music that keeps me remembering there is a whole world out there that I can explore when I am ready. I am saying “yes” to things that make me just a little nervous - it makes me get out of the house and has led me to making new friends and take on new challenges. I am not going to say that any of this is easy - I miss my Mom and miss our life together. It still surprises me that she isn’t here, that our paths have moved away from each other. There are days I don’t feel like getting up off the couch and days that every time I laugh or even smile, I then start to cry. But there is hope - and a realization that everything I do now, my Mother sees, too. Her heart is still with mine!❤️

@A myALZteam Member you’ve expressed my feelings perfectly. If for no other reason than survival, there has to be some sort of acceptance.

I’m obviously not a woman and I don’t mean to but in. It’s certainly a question we’ve all asked ourselves.
I’ve spent some time thinking about what a future may look like. I’ve also paid close attention to those caregivers that have graduated to the other side and have shared their experiences here.

Throughout….. this has been my mindset. It’s helped me through the fear, dark times, the turmoil, and loneliness. It’s also allowed me, on occasion, to experience laughter, happiness and joy.

Faith… I believe I was hand picked for the care of my wife. My life up until now was a preparation. It seems to be my ‘purpose.’ Looking at it that way has helped me better cope with the difficulties of caregiving. I’ve had many conversations with Him, my prayer has been simple; If you brought me here for this purpose, help me complete it, keep me healthy so I can, guide me, give me strength, patience and perseverance. Help me care for her the way you want her to be cared for. Help me love her the way you love her.

Hope… the answered prayers have shown me that He hears me, He’s close, He cares. That gives me hope that there’s a plan and I have no reason not to Trust in His plan. I’ve had a good life, it’s been a gift, certainly better than I deserve. Realizing that and being thankful for all I’ve been given doesn’t allow room for being depressed. It’s like oil and water… Thanksgiving and Depression, they don’t mix.

Love … Early on, my wife questioned whether God loves her. Some would say, ‘How would He allow this to happen?’
The answer came to me immediately. He showed me how much. He placed just a spark of His infinite love for her into my little finite heart and it nearly burst, it was overwhelming. If He loves her that much and He picked me to care for her, what better purpose can there be in life? …and how can I fail?

Every night I end my prayers with this, “Thank You Lord for these days, and let me thank you in advance for the days you have prepared for me.

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A myALZte...