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Visit Or Stay Away?

Visit Or Stay Away?

I am at a loss. Ernie has been having meltdowns whenever I have to leave him at the hospital to go home. Now he is having meltdowns when I come back. Has anyone else had to deal with this type of situation with your loved one and if so, please share what you did. The nurses have a hard time with him when I’m not there because he keeps getting out of bed to go look for me and setting off the alarm.

A myALZteam Member said:

I would visit even if he seem angry at times part of him that lives you and needs you is still buried somewhere deep inside and you being there is important even if it doesn't seem like it sometimes. My husband is still at home but I have seen to many people in nursing homes both Alzheimer's and not that are left alone and sit there waiting to die wishing someone would visit that someone cares and by visiting the facility knows you care and they take better care of your loved one. I know it's hard on you but would you want no one to come if it was you? My husband's kids kids don't like to face that their father is disappearing and stay away he misses them but they are the losers they have waisted years of memories smiles and love. Keep trying to find the smiles in every day make what good memories you can even if it seems they are far and few between sometimes. Do it for you and for him you don't want to live with Shoulda would a could a. Know in your heart you were there and did what ever you could. Believe me I want to run many days when it gets bad but I am all that he really has even if I'm in the F...ing B list to many days I also get the smiles on good days and will make as many good memories as I can get. In his heart those memories are there even if his head forgets. Hugs to you good luck it's one minute one day at a time hold on Pam

posted 27 days ago
A myALZteam Member said:

I saw a mat you can put by the door so if he goes out you hear. Also I was told by a nurse to put a curtain over the door so they don't recognize it.

posted 27 days ago
A myALZteam Member said:

iT IS HARD EITHER WAY YOU DECIDE TO GO. If it was me , I would keep going to see your loved one. Time is important to each of you in different ways. Perhaps they are suffering from some depression too. It is hard for the person who has it. They sometimes have trouble handling their problems and can't help the way they are. It is so frustrating to the person who has it. Some times they can control ir and at other times it just comes out and stays. Are they having sundowners? Some times a close loved one can touch them better and brings comfort I suffer from depression and at times it is worse, but most of the time I am in a fariiily good place. My antidepressant helps a lot.. MOOD SWINGS ARE A PART OF IT! Hope this helps.

posted 27 days ago
A myALZteam Member said:

@A myALZteam Member That’s what Ernie does except he will look for me when I go to the bathroom. Well, he will look everywhere except the bathroom and I always tell him I’m going to the bathroom. I have a Ring home alarm that lets me know when a door opens even when the alarm is off. This has been very helpful in keeping him from wondering. If I take a nap or shower, I turn the home alarm on.

posted 27 days ago
A myALZteam Member said:

I have found this such a caring supportive site with many helpful suggestions! Barry is, after 42 yrs of marriage, and Alz the last 9, in Memory Care. So many good suggestions like staff distracting him when you leave. With short term memory barely there, that could definitely help. Barry was also placed on Dekapote for mania and an antidepressant which really helped his behavior- he was angry, aggressive, decked a young nurse (behavior he would be horrified at). As a retired nurse, I can appreciate the over use of drugs B U T some are so beneficial, so I would talk to his doctor at the hospital. May God's blessings surround you through this valley. I am so blessed by my faith and church! That helps me through his behaviors! I also like the comment about treating staff! Yesterday I visited and took decorated cupcakes for staff and some for Barry's sweet tooth! As a retired RN who worked 30 yrs before taking a disability retirement, I can concur with how appreciative staff would be! Be sure to tuck every tender moment deep in your heart! Jan

posted 25 days ago
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