Thank you, Gracey. You are very kind to share your own sad experiences.
I have more than a few myself. But, being an eternal optimist, I believe my life will improve now that my husband is in a nursing home and I don't have to sleep with one eye open every night, prevent him from wandering away, watch what I say, etc.

I'm so fortunate to have a loving, supportive son and daughter. I don't know what life would be like without them. It's extra chaotic just now because, when he was first diagnosed, we had planned to move closer to our son (his amazing suggestion,so he could help me with his father) and have a smaller house built on his land in the countryside. Then my husband had a heart attack and quintuple bypass, so moving plans were put on hold while I helped him through his recovery. He has no recollection of being in the hospital or his reaction to the anesthesia - that's when he first started accusing me of conspiring with doctors to lie about his condition.

Building finally began last year, and so did my husband's further decline with 3 more hospital stays, all related to Alzheimer's. He was convinced that each of those were part of my "conspiracy".

Now, with my daughter's help, I am dismantling a house full of 52 years' worth of stuff before it's sold. I'll need the money to help pay for his nursing home bill, because Medicaid won't begin until March 2023. The legal advice I paid for wasn't completely accurate, to put it mildly.

The new, smaller house will be my refuge where I can just relax and maybe start painting again; work in a brand new garden and know I'll be safe and free from his verbal abuse. It's definitely not how I imagined this stage of life would be. But, maybe it's the wake up call I ignored a long time ago.

Thank you again, Gracey, I appreciate your kindness to a stranger.

Prayers for your new adventure, Carol! It may not be what you were looking/hoping for at this stage of life, but peace of mind and love of family is SO important! Paint to your heart's content, dear friend! Paint the sunrise and the rainbows coming your way! Make your own golden pond.....the one in the movie is full of algae!

Hi Carol, I understand your frustration and sadness. My husband is convinced everyone is lying to him even about his hearing. When tested, the technician advised he has 30% hearing left in each ear; he's adamant that it's 30% hearing loss and that the technician is only out to sell hearing aids. So I now expect that every word I say will need to be repeated but if I do so too loudly he snaps at me to stop screaming at him. He has always put himself first unfortunately, as a result, his grown son has "given up on him" and rarely calls to check up on him. My husband is still living at home with mounting health problems (he is 79, I am 73) including COPD, aneurysms on his brain and aorta, recurring blood clots and most recently a positive Cologard result - which I understand is high in false positive readings. He does absolutely nothing the entire day and stays up until 5 or 6 a.m. watching tv.
I have long come to realize I was not the most important thing in his world (probably the first time he refused to change his work schedule to take me to the hospital for surgery and I begged a favor from a co-worker I got the wake-up call.) So now I live for myself a bit each week. It may be lunch with my daughter, coffee with my son, browsing a new craft store, digging in my garden, whatever brings me peace of mind and enjoyment. Think of YOU. It's not that you care less about him but even when you travel by plane you are told that, in the event of an emergency, grab your own mask first, then help your partner. You might think you're being selfish but you're actually doing what's necessary to maintain your sanity. Go to the beach and if timing doesn't permit, go to a day spa and get yourself a soothing, relaxing massage. Best money you can spend!