Hi. My mom is 86. My Dad was 91 and just recently passed before Christmas. It seems she is getting worse ever since this has occurred. We explained that Daddy passed and he is in heaven and she cried, but ever since then she will say "where is your father" or when we put her to bed she asks if we have a pillow for him. At night we dont like to keep telling her that he is no longer with us, but if she brings it up during the day we remind her that he is in heaven.
Should we keep doing this… read more
I’m so sorry about the loss of your Father - May his memory be a blessing, and may you find peace and comfort in this time of mourning. This must be such a difficult time for all of you, including your Mother. Nobody with ALZ handles change very well, so if your Mom was used to having him in bed with her, or him holding her hand or him just being a presence in the room, she surely believes something is missing, even if she can’t understand the death of her husband or hold on to the information. That is probably producing a lot of anxiety for her, which is stressful for her (and everyone!) and is probably leading to that feeling that she is getting worse. This is all so new for you all that you are probably going to say the wrong thing to her many times until you settle on something that will calm her anxiety/ feeling of unease. I think that is what you need to concentrate on, though - figuring out how to calm any anxiety, even if it means putting out a pillow for your Dad or telling her that he is at the store and will be home soon. I know it is heartbreaking because you want him to be there and you are also in the process of mourning and fully accepting your own loss. It is all so difficult and you and all of your family will need to support each other and reach out for help moving through this time. Sending you so much support and lots of hugs!❤️
I agree with KJG, your Mom will keep asking because she does not comprehend what you are saying, its not something she wants to hear and she will not remember what you have said. Short term memory is the first thing to go with this horrible decease. Not being told something positive in that moment she ask about your Dad can cause her stress and cause the decease to progress more rapidly. I say put the pillow in the bed and just assure her in anyway you can that all is well. 🌹
Any traumatic event will probably set her back. My mom is 85 year old with Alzheimer's. She was official diagnosed in early 2015. In 2014 she was really sick and that is what really jump started this horrible journey. My dad died in May of 2019. He was her caregiver. I don't think the disease let her processed what was going on. At 1st when she would ask about him, I would remind her of his death. She would kind of laugh and play it off. Now because the disease has progressed so much, I don't have the heart to tell her. I just make up something. Now when someone dies or something happens, we don't tell her. It is just easier. She probably would not understand it anyway. There is no right answer to your question. You just have to do whatever makes her feel better at that time. It is heartbreaking, just take one day at a time. Unfortunately as time goes by, she won't remember what you say anyway.
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