I’m hoping one or more of you will be able to help. My 90 year-old mother who lives with me (since early 2014) has moderate to advancing dementia, depression, anxiety, hallucinations and delusions, and has declined markedly over the past two months. She sometimes wanders, is a fall risk, and has been hospitalized twice in the last month for falls. She has lately become combative, violent, and aggressive with me and caregivers. We’ve been scratched, bitten, left bleeding, and I’ve… read more
You should not feel guilty because you are doing what will keep you and her safer. My sister in law had to do that for my brother. She has her moments of guilt but we all tell her she had no choice.
It is a different decision to make and she will probably be angry at first but think how bad you will feel if she falls and breaks a hip or worse. And you can't continue to take care of her if you are sick or injured. If you have found a really good place that can take good care of her and keep her safe you need to grab it they aren't always easy to find and can have long waiting lists. You need to consider your safety her safety and health for all. It is wonderful you have family and friends to help you and the funds. We all aren't so blessed to have family or funds to help. Place her where she will be safe and try to enjoy the precious days you have left with her who knows she may like it. Any bad words or actions aren't really her it's Alzheimer's brain but on good days hopefully she is still in there somewhere. Good Luck lots of hugs You can do this it sounds like it is the best for all Pam
Believe that your mother loves you enough that she would not want you to destroy your health for her. It helped me when I placed my husband. What could help her transition: same bathroom towels, bedspread, pictures on the wall, her favorite chair. Just know that it may not go well but she needs to be there. I agree with not telling her before hand. Doctor said is good. I remember reading that someone told their loved one that the carpets were being cleaned and she needed to stay for a few days. If her short term memory is not good. You will be able to tell her that several times!!!
I had to put my mother in an assisted living program because I could not care for her at home and she was unsafe on her own. I explained that she needed more than I could give her as I was still working full time. As her dementia progressed she started wandering and was placed on the dementia unit which was locked she actually blossomed up there because people were so attentive to her when she would wander instead of being told to go back to her room she was given cookies and milk! The staff was wonderful she stayed there until she needed hospice. She passed away this last July in hospice and I feel like I did everything that I humanly could do. I visited her daily. I miss her.
Two things about your story frightened me. That your mom is falling in your 3 story home. I remember she fell and fractured her back when you were on the phone for only seconds.... right? Her independent feisty nature will keep her falling. My mom is the same way. The second thing is your health.... you are so exhausted and burnt out you are falling asleep driving????? Place her soon. Don't tell her ..... she won't understand or remember. You will be a better caregiver and daughter after she gets settled and you catch up on rest. You are blessed with brothers and funds.... I have neither and would place my mom if I did. Sending ❤.
We never share your personal information with anyone.