How do I help my dad accept that his wife now needs to be in a memory care facility? The doctor has recommended it. She is becoming more aggressive towards everyone at home now. However my father is still in denial and thinks she’ll get better.
Maybe contact the Alzheimer's association in your area. They may be able to talk to the whole family in regards to options in your area. They also have many educational opportunities that may help your dad understand things. In all honesty, Some people do better in their own homes with help coming in. But there has to be enough support available to make it work. An Alzheimer's rep may be able to give some useful management ideas while observing in your home. I did put my husband in a home eventually, mainly due to not being able to sleep well at night and aggression but we were near the end - 40 days in a facility. Those days were tough for him - would they have been that way at home as well? We will never know. This much I do know is that my husband loved me and he would not have wanted my health to suffer because of him and that is how I have come to terms with moving him into a facility. Be patient with your dad, especially if he is a "fixer" personality.
Maybe just talking to him and telling him even though it is hard it is time to accept so she can get the care she needs. My husband and sister took a long time to accept that their mom was bad and I just supported them but also reminded them that as hard as it is.... They need to face the facts so that we as a family can provide her the best help. It is tough at every stage.
Thank you for the info..I received 24 hours of in home care through the Elizabeth Dole Foundation.Carelinx oversees the granted hours.
I agree with Krisd. If they were able to move together it would be easier for your dad. Once they are settled, he would be able to see other residents and compare them to your mom. It would be easier because her aggression would be handled by people who have done this before. However, it is more expensive.
Sometimes the fear of letting a 'stranger' take care of our loved one is hard to get over, as well as accepting we can't fix it no matter how hard we try. It took several months for me to finally say 'it's time' and move my mother into an Adult Family Home. And there are days I still grapple with feeling totally responsible for her care, but I know I made the right decision and she's with people who are trained and skilled with handling this disease. Is there an opportunity that they could move together to a place? I've read some other couples on this site has done that and it's a been successful as they navigate this new path.
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