Hi Joe! When my Mom was first diagnosed, she did not want to talk about it, did not want to tell anyone outside the family and certainly did not want me using the word ‘Alzheimer’s’ to anyone else in front of her! She was open to getting all the legal stuff taken care of and then we took the next 6 months to have some fun. We traveled all over the country, spent time with family and friends, went to national parks and museums she always wanted to see. Her symptoms progressed and we just never talked about why it was happening. I read a lot, talked to people in our family and friend groups, but with her, I just focused on keeping her happy and living in the moment. At some point, she started asking why things seemed so hard for her to do and why she couldn’t remember words or follow the conversation. By that time, it seemed like the clinical diagnosis would be too hard to explain, so I would say “You have some problems thinking sometimes. It makes it hard for you to remember things. But I am here - I can help you and remember for you.” Now, when she gets frustrated doing something or annoyed that she is forgetting a word or someone’s name, I tell her that I see how frustrated she is and if I could, I would fix it all. But since I can’t fix it, I will be there to help her and give her a hug when she needs it. I think people have a right to know what their diagnosis is, but I don’t think dwelling on the diagnosis helps our loved ones feel relaxed. You know your Mom best - if it would distress her, I wouldn’t tell her. But she is going to need reassurance that she is loved and cared for and that the care will continue. Sending hugs and support!❤️

It’s a very hard conversation to have, but if your mom is going to take any of the medications that are suppose to slow the process, you may have to tell her. I remember my mom having the conversation with my grandmother ( Our beautiful Rubie) and her being her feisty little self gave my mother a run for her money but ultimately she realized she was in fact beginning to experience early onset Alzheimer’s. My mom had to address with her mother also because of the lifestyle changes it would eventually cause, i.e. my grandmother had to eventually relocate and move in with my parents. My best advice is to talk it out with your family, I am sure everybody’s approach is different. Many blessings to you and I am so sorry your mother and your family are going through this.

Hi Joe, I don’t use the words themselves but I do describe my mom’s experiences and behaviors to her in a way she can understand. That is, I try to focus on the positive. For example, there’s a lot she can’t remember but there’s a lot (from the old days) that she can. Or I distract her with old pictures and songs. And reassure her that I’m always here for her and will always be. That seems to allay her fears somewhat. She knows something’s not right. The other day, I found her crying, “Something is terribly wrong with me.” Heartbreaking. The most important thing you can do is to love and reassure your loved one as much as you can, for as long as you can.

Take care.

My experience has been that we speak openly with my dad about dementia and the illness it is. He appreciates my directness but everyone is different, good luck

@A myALZteam Member
I had similar talks with my mom and now my husband. Reassuring is avery kind response. Blessings 🙏🙏

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