Hi! I am sorry you are going through all this and I am so sorry for your loss. May your Mother’s memory be a blessing and may you find peace and comfort in this time mourning. There are certainly times that this has happened before, and I hope you will hear from some on this site. Guardianship laws exist for this kind of circumstance. Legally, someone is going to have to officially take responsibility and it is better to do it sooner rather than later. I am not sure how you would be able to do it without going to a lawyer and most likely a judge. Can I suggest that you contact the 24/7 hotline for the ALZ Association? Their number is (Phone number can only be seen by the question and answer creators). They certainly might be able to point you to some legal advice you can get in person and to your particular situation. Good luck! Sending you hugs and support!❤️

I’m certainly not an expert but I am in a similar situation. My wife was diagnosed earlier this year. I quit my job in order to take care of her. Things progressed rapidly and I failed to get a POA before she was unable to even sign her name.
I am now in the process of applying for guardianship and conservatorship over my wife.
It’s expensive and unfortunately it feels like I am opening the door for the court system to rule over both of our lives.
I’ve spent over $4k already in lawyer and court costs. They may assign her a lawyer to protect her interests, which I’m sure will cost us more money. No one is contesting it, her brother and sisters are happy with the care I am providing. I imagine if someone was contesting, it will drive the costs up.
The court is sending over someone to “evaluate” her tomorrow evening. I’m assuming she will, indirectly, be evaluating me as well.
I started off finding a local lawyer that deals in elder care.
He said they “may or may not” assign her a lawyer, we’ll have to wait and see.
I understand we are in a broken world which in turn opens the door for more government involvement but I’m a little aggravated that I have to pay for the pleasure of caring for my wife when that’s what I swore to when I said ...
“I do”
I blame myself for not taking care of these matters years ago but I was “going to wait until I got old” It kind of sneaks up on you.
I’m sorry you found yourself in this predicament. I wish you good luck. It’s a lot to deal with on top of everything else.

I think you may need the laser.

thank you! I appreciate you sharing this.

UPDATE: Last night the Social Worker came by to evaluate Vilma. I feel I have a better understanding of the process. We had a pleasant conversation and it didn’t take long to realize it was me she was evaluating. It was apparent to her that Vilma needed 24 hour care so her questions were more about whether I was capable of providing it. Vilma did her part, at one point she blurted out, “I love my husband, he is the best husband.” I couldn’t have written the script any better. She basically said, she provides the Court with her report. They will set a Court date and make a ruling. If they do assign a lawyer, she said it will be a visit similar to the visit last night.
She described horror stories as examples of the things they come across. Relatives or friends with drug problems, abuse, theft, etc. In some cases it’s like placing a child in the care of Foster parents. When you look at it like that it’s a big responsibility.
The visits are formalities if everything is in order. My fears of Court intrusion in my life were unfounded. They really are just trying to do the right thing. It was a pleasant visit. As she was walking out the door, she turned and said, “You are a good man.” That helped to calm my nerves.
The cost can be the biggest challenge. I would suggest maybe contacting a Senior Center or the ALZ Association that could possibly point you in the direction of free legal services that could help with petitioning the court. In my case the Court costs alone were $631.00.
The lawyer was 5x that.