Princess 1228 'I feel the Dr is the only one that could talk to Clyde. When the Dr told him no more driving after he ran into my car 2 x with lawn mower. He explained it all to him. Saying othet people lives could be in danger. So he said ok but I'm keeping my keys in case Janiece needs me to take her to the Dr. He always had done that & he drove every Where. Now he calls our car " Janieces" car not his. He had a Truck.. He can Handel it ok, that way.

They’ve been married for 63 years and were always a happy, close couple with a normal amount of minor friction in their relationship. They loved, respected, supported and cherished each other unquestionably, and they were always each other’s best friend. About 3 or 4 years ago, the family started noticing Mom becoming terribly critical of everything Dad did. 2 or 3 years ago, even outside friends & acquaintances began to witness her vehement behavior toward him. She even swore at him in church! Now he cannot do or say anything without her lashing out at him; but if he keeps quiet or leaves the apartment, she accuses him of not caring about her or even of being unfaithful. (Neither is true.) What can we do for them?? Is there a way to safely/caringly separate them?

What if your LOWD adamantly insists there is nothing wrong with her? She claims Dad needs more help than her or that we just want to “say she’s crazy” so we “can lock her up.” In her mind she still does all the cleaning, planning, cooking, etc., and is still able to bike/hike/travel, when she actually hasn’t been for a number of years. She’s horrible, mean and angry toward Dad and writes hateful things about both him and me in letters to her friends. I realize she is upset by her loss of independence, but her delusional “capability” will also get in the way of a willing transition to a memory care facility. Dad is getting so worn out and beaten down... we’re concerned for him.
None of us “kids” are in a position to take them both into our home. I presently visit every day (sometimes for several hours) to give meds, do housekeeping, and occupy Mom/spell Dad. But what’s the next step and how do we know WHEN? And mostly, I guess, HOW?
Are we terrible people for knowing we will be choosing to place Mom in the memory care facility at some point?