My case seems to be different from most. Dad WANTS to move to assisted living. In his eyes, it isn't for the help, it's because he is so bored at home and doesn't get interaction with people very much. He and Mom live together; neither drives; she loves to watch movies and play on the computer -- which Dad basically abhors. He wants to take road trips, hear musical concerts, try his hand at different crafts.
I WANT him in assisted living now, in hopes that he gets some of the above… read more
We had a similar situation where it was our aunt that wanted to move to assisted living as she was in early stage of alz and didnt want to burden anyone to take care of her. My uncle refused to leave his home of 38 years. He would visit twice a day, played games with other residents and came to like the stress free and almost catered too lifestyle his wife was living so much he moved in the following month🤣
The fact that your dad wants to move into assisted living is a plus. You could spend a good part of each day with him walking him through the day at the new facility. Going with him to the activities, helping him to meet the new people and you have just getting comfortable with a new surroundings . You could also take your mother to visit him often. As he becomes more comfortable with his surroundings, you could lessen the time you spend there but by all means visit him often. When my mother was in the nursing home, I stopped in 2 to 3 times a day. I made sure I never went at the same time of day because I didn’t want the caretakers to know when to expect me. That way, I could see the care she was getting and know if they were slacking on her care. I would even change lunch hours with co-workers for surprise visits.
My daughter-in-law is facing this problem with her mother, but unlike your dad, she unwilling to move. They first tried to get her to move into an apartment closer to them, where on one side was independent living and the other side was assisted living. She refused to move into an independent living apartment closer to them. Now she needs assisted-living but she also refuses. My daughter-in-law has had to hire someone to come in morning and evening to be sure she gets her insulin shots. The next step is to gain guardianship of her mother because it will soon be to the point that she has to go into a nursing home. If she would have moved into the apartment closer to my daughter-in-law her dementia might not have progressed as rapidly as it did because there were other people there and activities, whereas now she’s home alone by herself all day long.
I wonder what the staff at his Assisted Living would have to say about their observations and impressions of him. Maybe they would have suggestions for areas in which he is having the most difficulty, or together you could decide on a plan for working with him on those areas he is struggling with. What were his expectations of Assisted Living and are those reasonable in time now that he is there? Hang in there. Remember to take care of your own needs too. 🤓
K8 is right - the staff at assisted living facilities are there to orient the residents. They’ll knock on his door to come to meals and encourage him to come to activities. If meds are required the aids will administer them. After awhile they will take note if they don’t come to meals on their own. I don’t think they offer road trips but often have outings to local malls and restaurants and have entertainment come to the facility. On Friday my hubbies place had a comedian who was very kind, including every single person there in his show in some small way. There is a calendar every month that you can hang in his room and circle things he may be interested in. Good luck.
Timing seems to be everything with this disease. If your dad wants to go into Assisted Living, it’s time. Although a new situation causes most all of us anxiety and stress, the supportive staff and the structure and routine of assisted living units go a long way in helping people to become comfortable in their new homes pretty quickly. Accommodation to assisted living goes most smoothly when the person makes the decision on their own, and being not just willing, but motivated, seems a very positive predictor of a successful adjustment. I envy you his willingness! Could he have a little talk with my sister? Hahaha.