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Real members of myALZteam have posted questions and answers that support our community guidelines, and should not be taken as medical advice. Looking for the latest medically reviewed content by doctors and experts? Visit our resource section.

How To Know “when It’s Time”?

How To Know “when It’s Time”?

My life - and the life of our 16 year old daughter - is continually bouncing from one disaster after another as a result of my husband’s mid-stage Alzheimer’s. He cannot realize that his capabilities are not those of who he used to be or even those of a normal person. So he has extremely poor judgement which leads to bad things happening. In November, he was the cause of an incident that led to thousands of dollars in damage to our home (still in the process of being fixed). Last Thursday, he… read more

posted December 16, 2019
A myALZteam Member

Yes, it's time. Expect great resistance, because he seems to be rather high functioning. Enough so that he continues to get himself in big trouble. You seem to be realistic enough to forsee the house on fire, the wondering away and getting lost, and any car keys that go missing. You are in for a fight, but it might just be a fight for his life!

posted December 16, 2019
A myALZteam Member

Deannaz, so much to deal with all at once. I'm glad your husband and your dog were returned safely. Is it possible to have a care worker come in while you are at work to keep an eye on him. It sounds like he shouldn't be left alone. It's true what you say about the minor blip. When my husband does something that causes me anxiety, he then acts like it's no big deal, while I'm still trying to calm down. That's just the reality of this disease. If you decide to place him in memory care, you must not feel guilty, since you are doing what is needed to keep him safe. Hugs and love to you, Gwen

posted December 16, 2019
A myALZteam Member

I have a more crushing question concerning Caregiver’s guilt. Even if your loved one is in a “safe place,” or still at home, the caregiver knows that this terrible burden only stops with death.
How can a caregiver escape feeling guilty for feeling that in order to have this stop, your loved one must depart?

posted January 16
A myALZteam Member

It’s so tough and I feel for you. I had the same issue with my mother and felt so guilty bringing her to a home. But it was getting so difficult and stressful at home, and I knew that it would end up making me very ill too from all the stress. After placing her in a home, despite the guilt, my home was no longer a place of significant stress for me and my kids (especially after a long day of work) and I could visit her several times a week knowing she was in a safe and caring place. Your husband might also enjoy the daily activities at a home as well as he sounds social. Wishing you the best.

posted December 17, 2019 (edited)
A myALZteam Member

Thank you for your response. You are correct in that he is able to be quite deceptive about his capabilities. He is very verbal, has no trouble with communication, super friendly and social. He can come off as just a bit confused or “ditzy.” But oh so charming. It’s when no one else is around that the disasters happen, the things get lost, etc. I can’t allow myself to get too comfortable because that’s when the unexpected happens. So instead I’m on pins and needles.

posted December 16, 2019

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