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A myALZteam Member asked a question 💭
DENARE BEACH
September 23, 2019
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Answer Summary

Members offered compassionate guidance on how to respond when caring for someone with dementia who asks repeated questions, with the strongest... Read more

Members offered compassionate guidance on how to respond when caring for someone with dementia who asks repeated questions, with the strongest consensus being to eliminate phrases like 'don't you remember' entirely, as they only trigger confusion and humiliation without serving any helpful purpose. Several members shared practical strategies that have worked for them, including leaving written notes and reminders around the house, using calendars with information the person can read and reread, pointing to posted answers when patience runs thin, and simply restating information calmly without drawing attention to the memory loss. A recurring theme was the mantra 'you can't reason with dementia' and the importance of accepting that reality with grace, taking deep breaths, shifting conversations to topics the person brings up naturally, and remembering that patience and repetition are acts of love even when they feel exhausting.

A myALZteam Member

Why would you need to start with that phrase? Just eliminate that beginning and state the original. Reminding them that they have forgotten something only adds to their confusion and humiliation. That serves no purpose for anyone. This is not an easy thing to learn but I finally learned it and we are both more comfortable with this technique.

September 23, 2019
A myALZteam Member

I catch myself starting out that way and wish I hadn’t. I quickly stop in the middle of that and just answer the question and try joking about something else to change the moment around. It can get very frustrating, but we can only do the best we can with what we’ve been given.

October 12, 2019
A myALZteam Member

There really wasn't anything that worked for us. She wouldn't remember she had forgotten no matter how it was presented. She did like to read and reread things on her calendar. My favorite things to remind myself as I loved my sister through her journey was, "You can't reason with dementia". The more I accepted that the softer I could react with her.

September 23, 2019
A myALZteam Member

They won’t remember. Just tell it again and again until they quit asking. It takes a lot of patience.

September 30, 2019
A myALZteam Member

A man in my local support group has signs around the house with answers to questions his wife asks repeatedly.
She can still read. So when he’s tired or lost patience with repeating himself, he points to the answer. For example, “what’s for dinner?” He has a sign saying the night’s menu.

September 23, 2019

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