She gets angry with us (her children) for not taking her home. She has tried to leave on multiple occasions. She has packed up her pictures, clothes and other belongings. We are considering bringing her home because this is horrible. She is completely obsessed and irrational.
Hi @A myALZteam Member
I completely understand how traumatic this is for you. I was the primary caregiver for my mom for 6yrs before we decided to place her in assisted living. She was desperately unhappy and sobbed every time I arrived for a visit. I sobbed every time I left...it was horrendous leaving her each time. A year down the line I discovered that she was being so neglected - she ended up with pneumonia in both lungs as she had been sleeping on a urine soaked bed with no duvet for 3 nights in the middle of winter!! She spent 2 weeks in hospital and I removed her from the care facility immediately and took her back to my home. She has been with me for almost 3yrs now and I unfortunately have fallen into the "carer not taking care of themselves" trap...so my siblings kind of pushed me into placing my mom into another assisted living establishment. I only hope and pray that this time will be different and will be a happier time for my mom! It is a really small home with only 12 residents which means my mom will get more individual attention.
I've shared this just to make you aware that there could be a deeper issue with your mom. If there is a valid reason for not wanting to be somewhere, remember that they cannot always express themselves or they forget on a conscious level but are aware somewhere in their spirit that something is not right.
Please don't misunderstand me - I'm not saying that there is abuse, but just be aware that there may be something in your mom's environment that is not right.
Our parents are at the mercy of "strangers" when they are placed in homes and we automatically assume that they will be safe and well cared for. We have to be vigilant!
Have you thought of live in private caregiver at home with Pallative care or hospice?
Do not bring her home to stay. That gives her a way to escape with no wyes on her. My mom is also obsessed with leaving she packs regularly. She willforget unfortunately.
I placed my mom in AL last summer. It was a wonderful facility. She used to work there 25 years ago. She was the one who told me she thought she needed to go. I live 650 miles away. After I returned to SC she started calling me and threatening that she had a house to go to and she was going to walk home. Her 39 yr old grandson was living there. She had been his caregiver for at least 15 years. We were in the process of getting him set up with his own apt through HUD. She was so unhappy there I finally told my brothers, one who lived up there and one who lives closer to me that I wanted to move her in closer to me. She certainly likes it better with me, but now all I hear is how bad she misses home and she wantsto go up to visit. I know how you feel. Maybe you could go to some of the activities with her. If I had lived closer to my mom, I would have given it more time. She was only in the AL for 4 months. I hope it works out for you.
Thank you. My mom does take part in some activities but reluctantly. According to staff, she waits by the window or paces in the lobby and says she is waiting for her daughter to come get her. There are four of us (siblings) and we have a visitation schedule. I dread going and have to keep visits short. She is relentless. Anxiety meds haven't helped but maybe she needs an increase. I'll get the book. Thanks for the recommendation.
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