Dad's aggression, escapes and the general caregiver exhaustion mean it is overdue time for care home...try to ignore his family who criticize but don't help

I imagine if he was aware enough to see how it was draining you, he would not want you doing harm to yourselves. There is no right or wrong in the decision of care in home or away from home. It is whatever works best for those involved in each individual situation. I am not at that point yet, but I assume it will be a terribly difficult when / if that time comes. Wishing you the strength to make those hard decisions

Hi Irene, So far we have been able to keep mom at home with dad. I write to my sister all the time to keep her up to date. She lives a few states away and only comes once a year. A social worker once said to me....regarding my sister....if you want to be the quarterback, you need to be in the game. My sister can offer advice but she is not here to see what is actually going on. So I have to make all the decisions myself. I do what I feel it best for mom. Now mom's sister also had dementia. She was a widow and it became unsafe for her to live alone. So my cousins moved her to assisted living. She was very upset by it, wanted to go home and it took some time but she did adjust, made lots of friends and most importantly she was happy after that initial adjustment period. Best of luck to you. Not a very friendly disease and it is so hard on the family and caregivers. Bless you for taking care of him but in order to care for him you have to take care of yourself first so you will have the strength and energy to care for him. Hope this helps. Hugs.

I agree with @A myALZteam Member. In terms of "convince family," have them come spend the weekend with him (24 hours a day for two or three days) while you take a break and see how they evaluate the need.

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A myALZte...

You're very welcome. I had to put Mom in a care home 2 weeks after Dad died. Sis & I had had an agreed on plan, then I realized that plan had fatal flaws. Had to gently bring sis back on to the same page as me. Thankfully, that worked just fine. None of Moms siblings seemed to care so we were lucky that way.

I can tell you honestly the day we moved her in to the care home was worse than the day Dad died. She begged, pleased, insisted she didn't belong there, it was awful. Accept it'll be awful but keep in your heart that you are doing the best you can for him & everyone involved. It's kind of cold comfort but it's better than nothing.