I am the caregiver for my 69 yr old husband who was diagnosed 5 yrs ago with Alzheimer’s. He still thinks he is capable of doing most things he could do before, which he is not. He is OK to leave home while I go for groceries as long as I leave him a note. The note helps when he forgets where I am. I also check in on him with my Alexa screen. All he has to do is talk to me-no dialing or answering the phone. He is soooo adamant that he’s fine home alone but it truly worries me. I’d like to get… read more
For a year I tried to get my Mum to agree to have someone sit with her while I went out. She always flat out refused, yelling, stamping her feet and saying she wasn't a child. Eventually I just booked it. 2 hours on a Tuesday every week. I had to. It was getting harder and harder to get her to come out with me and I couldn't leave her alone. Plus in a year I hadn't had one second to myself and I was losing the plot. I would tell Mum it wasn't for her, it was for me. It was so I didn't have to worry that no one was here if she takes a tumble. Most weeks she'd hate me for it. She'd say "I'm not going to talk to them. I'm going to bed and I'm not coming out until you get back". The hilarious thing was she never hid in her room and talked the poor woman's head off for 2 straight hours. I'd get back wondering whether I was going to cop a mouthful but usually I'd return to "Oh we had the most wonderful chat!". Once or twice I said they were coming to do some housework, and the second they arrived she'd tell them to sit down, offer them a coffee, tell me I could go now and then she'd start chatting with them. There was only one woman she didn't like and did I hear about it afterwards! But I knew she wouldn't like her the second she started talking to my Mum. She spoke to my Mum like she was a 3 year old. It wasn't what she said, it was how she said it. I don't blame my Mum at all for not wanting her back, ever. I put in a request that we never have that same woman back again.
I can't believe I waited a year before booking my 2 hour respite a week (which of course involved doing all the jobs I needed to do that week but once in a while I got to sit in the car and look out at the sea for a bit before returning home). I was so worried about how my Mum would react. And even when she reacted badly, well I just had to deal with it. Mum forgot soon enough. I'll tell anyone, just do it. Just book it. Don't delay. Don't stress about your LO not being comfortable. If they are uncomfortable it won't be long before they'll accept it and even grow to like it. Don't stress about whether your LO is going to hate you for it. They may not. And even if they do, they'll get over it soon enough.
That's my experience.
Hi, Jane. Does your hubby have stuff he enjoys doing at home? Checkers, woodwork, anything? You could accidentally bump into someone who “really wishes they had a buddy to do that with”. That way he gets to help someone rather than be a burden. Please don’t worry too much about the well meaning little lie. It is a tool that will serve you well down the road when you have to ease your husband’s confusions. All best, Steve.
Another thing I have done is have one of the kids drop by for a visit and after 3-4 minutes I tell my husband that my meeting is starting and I have to go. I tell our son that he should stay and visit as long as he wants and I will be back at such and such time. Of course our son know not to leave and wait until I come home then conveniently get a text saying he is needed at home. Then thank his Dad for a nice visit.
I have even done this with my sister dropping by. I left about 1 minute before she pulled into the drive (we text and align our times) and she tells my hubby that she will just visit until Kare gets home.
He has never complained about either of these two incidents. Of course now I have a "housekeeper" coming in on a regular basis, 3 afternoons a week. And that I want them there so I don't have to clean house.
Jane, I, like the others who answered your question, have the same problem. My husband gets really irritable if he thinks I am leaving him with a 'babysitter'. He broke his kneecap back in September and I had to find some help so I could go get groceries etc since he was hurting a lot and couldn't go with me.
I hired a lady, a friend I have known for years, and she comes in 3 days a week for 3 hours each time. I told hubby that I had to have help with the house cleaning and that was what she was doing here. He didn't object to that but still at times gets it in his head that she is in the house for him. I just keep reiterating that she is helping me because I can't do all the cleaning at my age.
Hopefully your husband will accept the same story.