My Mom is 90 prob mid stage Alz and quite spry, social, friendly with many - but no true best friend. She's agreeable and kind, She does get frustrated at times and many periods of low energy, feeling tired, just don't feel right without anything obvious going on.
she's been in one facility nearly 3 years. It was difficult at first but gradually got better. In the last year I feel that she feels "at home" except management and staff changes have been too rapid . Can't count on stable staff… read more
If your Mum will understand that you will be away for that time, and can accept it, then I would say OK. She will have her friend there?
It is not wise to make a fuss when they move, as long as they feel secure, it should be OK.
I assume she will have her old familiar things with her, and that you will be there for the initial move? That is the main thing, as long as she knows you are not going to 'desert' her permanently.
You obviously love Mum very much, so I can't see you doing anything that is not in her interest.
Best of luck with the move, and hugs for you both!
You can only do what you feel is right. Don’t second guess yourself. If it’s better over all it was a good move. Well done, Dutch.
Good evening, I just moved both of my parent’s from their first stint in memory care. Since this was our first experience, I’ve learned much along the way many.
But the one thing that has remained constant is my desire for my parents to live as full and happy a life as possible with as much of their dignity intact.
The facility they were in was mostly advanced to very advanced Alzheimer ‘s. I would often find my parents sitting in the midst of a room full of residents slouched over, curled up in worn out recliners or worse yet, asleep with their forehead on the table. I also found my parents often wearing the same clothes from days past, it made me sad and angry. I spoke with the staff on several occasions about my parent’s condition but nothing changed. I realized things would remain unchanged so I took charge of the situation, did some research and visited several places until I came across a place that is wonderful, beautiful, therapeutic and stimulating.
The transition has been a title difficult for my mom and though my heart aches watching my mom say she wants to go back “home” , I know I’ve done the right thing for both of them. Their safety and well-being is first and foremost. Being in charge of a parent is never an easy thing, the emotionality involved in role reversal is ten fold...and a huge stressor. Sometimes knowing they are safe, well cared for and in an environment that fosters positive stimulation makes it worthwhile and gives me peace of mind. I’m trying to be there more often to reassure her she’s where she’s meant to be, encouraging her participate in activities. Each day is an opportunity for joy, and a new start. There’s never a right answer only the best option. What does your gut tell you? If you were in your mom’s position, what action would you want your family to take on your behalf?
Just like our parents raising us, you do the best you can but always out love.
Be good to your mom and kind to yourself, you wil arrive at the best conclusion for your loved one.
Godspeed to you in this journey,
Perhaps the move shortly before your holiday will be a good thing? It will give her time to settle in and become absorbed in to her new environment without any constant reminders of her past. We have to keep reminding ourselves as to what is the best thing for them - be brave and how lucky your mom is to have such a caring and loving daughter.
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