My mom is 81 with Alzheimer’s mid-late stage. She is barely 5’ weighs 105 lbs and lives at home with my dad as her caregiver. My dad has many health issues including a very bad heart. Over the past 6 months he has had less and less patience and loses his temper and calls her names and has admitted to striking her. I have moved next door to be here to help and hopefully avoid this exact situation and yet I can’t help enough because my dad prefers to do most things. I have talked to him repeatedly… read more
If she likes music or a certain TV show try turning that on when she gets angry and non-compliant. Change the subject and drop whatever the problem is. Put her meds in yogurt or applesauce, pudding and have a sneaky treat like kids. It really helps to act like you are cheating when a patient is not compliant. I had to do this with my husband. I made it a game and it worked. The argument was not there. Also bribes work great. There is nothing wrong with having a lazy day and staying in pjs. As long as they brush teeth and vitals. Lol.
You are describing abuse. I would remove your dad as her primary caregiver. Its an extremely difficult and very disrupting solution, but when a caregiver starts abusing the person they care for, it has to be done.
Sometimes the battles aren't worth at all. Just remember to do what you can and when she's combative, walk away or call someone. You are not alone. Authur if you ever need to talk just ask! I couldn't afford anything either for momma so you are her all. Just do home remedies, try distraction or walk away from the situation. In 10 minutes it all changes anyways
Prayers for you
ask Mom over for a "girl's coffee and a chat". Go out shopping or to get her hair done. That gives Dad some respite time without fanfare (or a fight) yet time for him to recoup and re-energize. Our folks don't want to be a burden, so they forge ahead regardless of affects on them and others. -Sharon
This is a really tough situation, I agree that he needs guidance and a break. Criticism will only get his back up and will not get you the results you are looking for, on the other hand your Mom is vulnerable and needs protection. Her safety is really important and noone can do that without adequate help and respite, including your Dad. He needs to care for himself to remain a good caregiver for your Mom. Burnout is very common even among young and experienced nursing staff who get adequate sleep and time off. He needs to attend to his mental health too. Maybe if you appeal to him on that front, not that he is doing something wrong but as a partner in caregiving. I hope you are able to find a solution that works. It really is not easy but abuse is a clear sign something must change.
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