Dealing with it Susan becomes easier, I think, when we understand where the accusation comes from. A person with dementia, like all of us, has a range of memories from recent to long term. For a person with dementia, its a bit like having a jig saw puzzle that is missing some pieces. You put it all together but there are some holes so the only way you can ‘complete’ the jig saw is to imagine what is in the hole left by the missing piece. People with dementia have broken memories. They can remember some things but not others. So, for example, when someone has some money and it gets lost (or hidden), how do they make sense of it (think jig saw puzzle). Their reasoning goes like this, Memory 1: I had some money. Memory 2: it was in my purse or wallett. Missing Memory 3: (the missing piece) I spent it at the supermarket. Observation: money is now gone! Where did it go? The only way they can make sense of an incomplete picture is to fill in the missing bit (I spent it at the supermarket). They will not even recall going to the supermarket most likely. So the only thing that could have happened is someone stole it. Who is around that could have stolen it.....oh no, it must that carer (ie you). Note, this is NOT paranoia. Its not a false belief. Its actually a faulty conclusion drawn from incomplete facts. The reasoning is good, the conclusion is wrong.
That explains what happens in nearly all cases of false accusations.
How to deal with it. That’s the tricky bit. First rule. Don’t defend or argue. It will only make it worse and reinforce the inaccurate conclusion they have drawn. I think the way forward is to help them understand the problem and make sense of the information in another way. (Bearing in mind that change is difficult for a person with dementia). The first thing is to re-assure them you share their concern for what is lost. Then try to clarify and gently bend them toward another reality. So you might say something like “oh that is really unfortunate that your money is missing (don’t reinforce the false conclusion ie that the money is stolen). How much money is missing? (Wait for an answer). OK, now The last time I saw that money in your purse was when we went to the supermarket yesterday and you bought ?? (making a statement not asking them to remember going to the supermarket). That would have left $x in your purse. How much is there now?” Every situation is different but the main things are, don’t defend or argue, secondly, show concern and thirdly, redirect slowly to a new reality without asking them to ‘remember’ anything.

What a wonderful site! And great answers for all of us that have similar problems in our own unique situation. @A myALZteam Member does such a wonderful job at explaining and I am sure there are 100 on this site that could write from personal experience. God bless all on this walk.

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A myALZte...

We installed cameras in our home for that same reason. Now my dad can see where and who (usually him) moves his things.

You do need to validate their concern by listening and saying you understand what they are saying. I also say sometimes that I will look into it and assist in finding those items
Most of the time it’s the person who has misplaced the item so looking for it while they are with someone else or not around is better and lessens the agitation.

Gene accuses me of taking things he misplace. He can still read tho much of what he reads he doesn't comprehend. I have a spiral notebook. I write in it that we are both looking for the item. Usually it appeased him. And then he forgets he has lost anything. But keep trying different things. Every one is different 😊