No matter what route you take, my advice to you all is to get your loved one’s name on the list of every nursing home/memory care center in your area WAY before you think they will need it. It often takes more than a year to move to the top of the list and you truly don’t know when it might be needed. I did it when my husband was in stage 4. You can always say you’re not ready yet, but keep all options viable. Even if you are determined to keep your loved one home, that may not be an option in the end.
Each place has its own ways of doing this. I would (and did) call every nursing home and memory care center in our area. Do all of them as you never know what will be needed. I put his name in a couple years before I “ thought”
It would be needed. In hindsight I should have done it even sooner as we still had to wait, and didn’t get him into the place that would have suited his needs best. I also got Hospice involved and it was a huge help. Not only helping in the nursing home but also getting him into the hospice house where he died. We usually think of “ taking care” of someone as trying to keep them healthy or managing their issues. Taking care also, to me, means helping them in that final stage getting the help they need to help them pass quickly and without discomfort.
Does your state have a program like our MaineCare? If you go into a local nursing home they could give you some info and numbers to call for help. If you are ending up in the hospital from stress, it may be time for you to find placement for your husband. You will not be able to help him if you’re ill too. Putting him in a nursing home or memory care center may not cost you anything if your income is low. Doing what is best for both of you is not always care at home, esp. in those last stages. I know. I kept my husband home longer than I should have. He ended up only Three weeks in a memory care center and 15 days in a Hospice House where he passed away. The last 4 months were hell with him at home and my girls and I got no sleep. I should have put his name in places months/ years before I thought I’d need it. I hope this was helpful. My prayers are with you.
Good morning all, I feel if a loved one can be supported at home with someone living with them and this gives you the peace of mind we all need and someone to help your loved one everybody wins, that is perhaps the first step to take/consider , full time support in the home in a home that is known to your partner/loved one, the transition should be easier for everyone, it is worth trying and nothing is forever, Many people I have met over the years , tell me of a promise made to not put someone in care, I advise these people in my opinion, I believe that no one would ever ask someone to honor this promise if they knew the struggle would be memory impairment, I believe we ask this of our loved ones because we all perceive it will be a physical issue. Supporting someone to live a good quality of life can be tough when it is memory related, good days bays, good hours and bad hours. If you explore options , take stock of the particular situation you, your loved one and family face the right solution will present itself and if your heart struggles it is because we are human, that does not make the decision wrong, but we must explore different options/solutions, then when Guilt tries to make us feel bad we can argue " i tried , I explored and came up with a choice that I felt was right for my loved one " ( ps Guilt will try to come back, very persistent fellow but does not have all the facts and does not care about them either" good luck
I’m finding that whether they stay at home or go into a place it’s all expensive. We’re getting by at home with my husband for now, but I have his name and app ia nice place nearby. We learned from his mom that it was best to get him as close as possible. His mom’s friends all wanted her to stay in her home town and we had to travel almost an hour each way several times a week AND they never visited. When we got a chance we moved her close to us. It was much easier and we could check on her lots. The funny thing was- more friends drove over here to visit. He’ll be here at home as long as I can keep him safe.
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