My best advice is to remember that your father is afraid. He has no idea what to expect, and has probably always been the "provider". He is afraid of losing his wife, worries that he is imposing on you and your life and he is probably resenting the disease and what it has taken away from him. Maybe have a discussion with him and try to "plan" how things are going to be done and how he would like it to be done. By doing this, you are allowing him to have a voice and some control. Remember, he has no control over this hateful disease. Remind him that you are partners in this and you will do whatever he needs to help him, help her. Stay strong and make sure you take care of yourself as well.

I am in the same situation and it is very difficult. I am caring for my mom and my dad often gets angry and critical of things I say and do. I just try to remember that he also is old and having someone come into his home each day has upset their routine, even though mom is getting the help she needs. I just try to stay calm and brush it off. I have told him it takes a lot of skill to take care of someone with dementia and that he needs to be nicer to me. I just try to focus on my mom as she is very, very happy I am there to help and she always thanks me. My dad never says thank you for anything. There are times though that I stand up to him and am very firm...I try to do it respectfully even though I want to scream and yell at him to just stop sometimes! It is a day to day struggle.

Carers all deal with this in their own way. As Theresa said he is a very scared man who doesn't know what's coming next. My uncle who's a carer has just about cleared their 4 bedroom house of everything they don't use. He has two plates, two dishes four mugs (for occasional visitors). I can see that he is doing this because it's something that he still has control of, and it gives him something else to talk about and give away. Many of the family have taken some of the more cherished and expensive items to store and return once my aunty has passed, if he wants them back and if he doesn't they can be sold to recover some of the nursing home costs. I believe this disease is worse for the nearest and dearest than for the patient!!!!

There are assisted living places who deal with couples one has problems and another just needs a little help. They usually are in a suite together. Maybe you might call and find out. They would gave round the clock help.

My mom passed away and my dad is critical and I believe has memory issues too