My mum (86) has early onset vascular dementia. Ok so she forgets somethings, gets confused sometimes and gets frustrated now and again. The problem I have is she has 7 children, I am the youngest and her carer. She will give out about us all except her youngest son who is 50, he is the second youngest. If we criticize him she gets very defensive and even told me to leave. He doesn't do very much just calls once a week. My confusion is even though she has memory issues she never forgets that he… read more
@A myALZteam Member Yes it is very hurtful. I go through the same thing. My brothers were always Mom's favorites. Two of them have passed on and she stopped mentioning them a while back. Seems like she blanked them out. When she was first having her symptoms all she would do was cry for them. My oldest brother lives a few miles away and can go months without visiting. When he does she says he's her brother. My sister lives a house away and does what she can but still works full time as a hospice coordinator. So I'm retired and my husband and I live 50 miles away and spend at least 3 or 4 days a week with them. We've basically given up our lives to be here. My Mom doesn't know us, I've been her sister for over 2 years. All of that is okay. Now for the problem, it's Dad. He insists that he knows her best, even though he can't hear anything she says. I get so tired of him saying she's ok even though we all know she's not. He insists that most of her problem is her vision. He says once afternoon hits she can't see any more. I know it's not her vision it's that she no longer can identify what she's looking at. She also says there's other people always around and talks to them too. So my brother happened to visit yesterday and so my Dad started insisting he always visits. Like you mentioned, the golden child. I got so upset I said maybe I should only visit every 6 months so he would be happy to see me too. Then my brother goes on to tell me all about Mom's condition. For someone who's never around he sure seemed to know that she can't see in the afternoon LOL. Anyway, keep smiling, when they're gone we won't have any regrets. We'll know we did everything we could to make them comfortable and get them through this horrible disease. As for people's greed, they can have it, we have the memories!
Yes, don't pay attention to this!! My mom would talk of her parents doing this to her with her sisters. She said it didn't bother her, but it did. She did the same with her dementia, and in the end she gained clarity. My point is your mom can't help it. Apparently it happens a lot!! In the end my siblings had a lot of guilt where I don't have any!!! Your going to be happy and content you did your best! ❤️
I understand how you feel. My mom doesnt have alz. But does the same stuff to me. I have literally saved her life and she still puts whatever they do above what i have done. She is ill and does need and have help . But recently i have given up. I visit and talk to her on the phone. But due to my own medical problems and stress i removed myself from the situation. I have taken care of many alz pts . So i understand this too. Since you are there all the time with her , it is hard for you. Get a journal and start writing it will help and no one has to read it but you. Write the good and the bad. Maybe you can guide her into conversations that will change the subject. I hope this helps you.
I know your pain....I have 3 siblings ...even tho I am here she beggs for them.....praying for you....no easy answers
Darlene get a journal and start writing. Write about it all. It will help you. You will still have the frustrations with her coming over but it will help you vent.. I go through this too. But my mom does not have dementia or alz. Even my youngest grown child says my sister is the golden child. I spent many years taking care of people with alz and dementia. So that is why i get in here and read. You can write anything you want no pne else has to see it.
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